Opening a whole new can of Worms – Eeesh!

Posted: July 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

So it’s probably 2 am-ish and I’m up writing….. the thing is I can choose to lie here and write this in my mind, or put it down on paper? You loose-Paper wins! Besides I’m sure if you ask some of the most proclaimed writers about their published successes it surely didn’t happen within the strict parameters of normal business hours.Most of our world, ok maybe “world” is a bit much, lets rather say our social networking is done by means of Facebook, Twitter, Whats-app and Mixit where we speak out loud about our lives or whats going on in our thoughts. (please spare me the filthy detail)

Some bloggers force themselves on a daily basis to “pimp” up their boring lives with bucketloads of adjectives which by the way just emphasize the desperate need for excitement in their lives, but we “readers” allows it because they call themselves “bloggers”.

Now “writers” my friends, writers are inspired individuals! People who wake up at 2am to put their creativity to rest or sometimes even remind themselves of a fascinating storyline to use in their next short story only minutes before climaxing during passionate sex. Ok that could possibly be only me, I don’t know. Twisted, inspired with endless amounts of crazy little pieces to a puzzle.

I’m lying next to what seems like a sleeping mutant struggling to fall asleep. After attempting for the 50th time to master the relaxation techniques tought to me by what sounds like the voice of Master Miyagi as per my yoga sessions on Saturdays, I give into the urge of exploring my mind. Unlike Twitter and FB where our social status is determined by the quota of followers and friends you have, your creativity comprises of the amount of  looneybins all talking together in the black hole u refer to as your mind. I lie awake and suddenly I see this image in my mind (no…. you’re other mind brainiac!) that consists of a part of my partner’s arm separating itself from the upper shoulder muscle, and I hear tiny squiggle (don’t even try to lookup that word) noises as this separated piece of arm is growing little legs. Slowly creeping and crawling over me making its way down the bed, onto the carpet and out the door. Yes ok lets refer to this piece of arm hereafter as “IT”.

“IT” is making he’s way across the wooden floor down the corridor. So around the same time the theme song of “Harry Potter and the deadly hollows or “swollows” starts playing (clearly not a fan) I decide to play Alfred Hitchcock and go see what journey “IT” is about to embark on. He’s heading straight to the study or “library” as refered to in the mystery board game “Cluedo” and I just want to state for the record that if there’s a “freeckin” candlestick in there I’ll be devastated… this is my mastermind at work people.

Its is important to know that this story is playing out in the modern world of technology. Oblivious to my long acclaimed conspiracy theory (implicating the ongoings inside computers at night) “IT” heads directly for the “Intel Inside” now probably “IT Inside”. So you ask about my conspiracy theory? Yes let me fill you in it’s rather elementary my dear Watson. Being surrounded by computers,cellphones,smartphones, smarter phones, apples, applets, booklets,tablets dear god and exe-te-raaaaa the reliability of their operating systems, windows or applications remains questionable to me. I have come to the conclusion that at night while were sleeping, little creatures climb inside the computers … Yes and to put it bluntly then…fuck them up. Otherwise how do you explain a perfectly operating tool of technology working faultlessly one minute and all of a sardine the next morning you switch it on (usually really bad timing too) you get a big blue screen greeting? (don’t they know blue is for porn movies only)

Anyway back to “IT”. I was just thinking how surprised I were with how intelligent this male-arm unit called “IT” performed in the “How to work a computer division” clearly compromising the apparent myth us ladies like to refer to regarding the precise location of  brain matter inside the male anatomy.(it’s not inside it’s on top?) Although it does explain why they always want to “grow” those muscles and again why they always choose to fight to defend their honor.See? Who said blogging isn’t educational kids?

Soooooo “IT” continued to completely anialate the windows! Scramble the folders, change settings, spend a rather precarious amount of time in a hidden folder otherwise “unhidden” marked as XXX clearly indicating that X in deeds marks the spot, and due to numerous visits by different users and not adhering to protection laws “IT” managed to release a deathly virus. In short “IT” didnt quit cause he’s too legit to quit (My my who would have thought Ice Ice Baby could still inspire) Ok so maybe certain FB friends were unliked, and fat friends in horrid photos even tagged, not even to mention some followers blocked and the excruciating massacre of the inner circus (sorry I meant circle)….

Finally bringing us to the god damn moral of the story (and if anyONE of you are thinking “thank god” right now? I’ll delete your profiles forever). Please note: this is ONLY and ultimately my own personal humble opinion (ok ok no judgement! It’s a democratic country and I HAVE a dream!) Drumroll please?…..

1- Blogging is boring

2-Writing is Inspired!

and if the peer pressure of the social network is swallowing you up and you feel the complete and utter unneccessary need to blog about your monotone daily routine and share every meal to Masterchef detail with us…… PLEASE at least make it an INSPIRED BLOG OF SHIT !!!

  1. doveydragon says:

    Ha ha ha !!!!

    Most excellent to start the day with a good laugh !!!!

    And I thought that I was the only one with a complex mind on so many levels !!! Glad to see there are more of us out there !!