Sexual Inspiration or frustration?????

Posted: August 24, 2011 in funny, men, relationships, Uncategorized

Ok so if you guys can recall I said a while ago that I’ll only write/blog when Im “inspired” to do so…and what I am about to say now may affend some sensitive readers and some girls still living in denial.(If you fall into any of these categories, please go make some tea and water the plants rather). Now, this little piggy woke up this morning and shared a remarkable similarity often present in the male species, I almost wanna say life altering experience people? Ok and No I didn’t wake up and fart (and with fart I mean more like refilling the gas chamber untill your partner has no other choice but to leave the room) and then still charmingly continued to scratch my balls and patt my penis for good behaviour….. Nooooooooo for a brief second (second that felt like a lifetime) I woke up (yes, I openend my eyes and thought immediately about SEX!) Not flowers, and candles that led toward sex, oh no, a one track channel hacking into a morning porn server…. I MEAN REALLY????

At first its overwhelming and confusing, you feel drunk…. and after you ruled out the possibilities for causing this strange sensation you keep on comming back to the porn! I had my first cup of coffee with the hopes that coffee will be bad for sexual frustration but NOOOOOO, nothings gonna get through this sucker! Then in the hallway you slid past your partner, at this stage looking as hidious as ever with his hands in he’s pants hardly focussing while mumbling something about you stealing he’s pillow…. and whoossshhh Nothing! In my mind I heard him saying i look raveshing and the deep sleepy look turned into a sexy tiger like ppuurrrrrrrr…… I felt drugged …..

But the more I tried to fight it, the worst it got… I tried to focus on catholic school boys (huge mistake) and started reciting the life cycle of the lipidoptera, but it was like a dark force consuming my thoughts….

Im sure the boys will agree….. that usually on this day…. your partner would be in the least possible mood to tolerate this dark lust intentions…… its like they have woken up on a different planet… and ooohhh dont even try to mention this feelings, it has devastating after effects…. you”ll get eaten alive! First you get the “look” the WTF “look” that is; and then in a remarkable 2 seconds there-after they switch on the polar caps and hit you with an icy cold “go fuck yourself”…..

Im a Venus inhibitor….. and this morning I woke up in flippen Mars!!!

From there everything goes south….. sour….. ok it went a little bitchy as well and all because I didn’t get sex… Like a kid wanting candy I blew up my cheecks and deliberately caused kak all around…. even strange unfamiliar people suffered throughout the day, standing next to me with that “I got it all this morning smirks” gghhmmppfff!!! Get out of my way!!!

I must say after this experience a SUDDEN HUGE FEELING OF REMORSE DOWNED UPON ME…. my heart started aching at the thought of knowing that atleast 60% of all males wakes up like this EVERY MORNING!!! BOYS….Im so sorry !!! It must be a living hell…. and after a day like this I completely give you permission to stare at my boobs rather than looking in my eyes…. your welcome to slap my ass and Im starting a porn magazine collection in the coffee lounge at work from next week on…..

Girls lets spare a minute and bow our heads in respect….. lets try and be a bit more supportive…For starters if you see that look in their eyes? Dont come walking past in your sexiest lingerie? COVER UP! Go dress in the kids room if you must! Trust me when I say; you DONT want to be in their position daily… I was THIS close to insanity… It took an extreme shopping spree and a quick “eat,pray,love” session to get myself back to normal again…..

Sho! hectic man…… MEN? I feel your pain…..My only advice to all you out there would be…. make the effort, do the wine and dine and gifts man…. and get laid….

😀 good luck

  1. shanewinter says:

    Welcome to Mars… lol