Agressive Selling ??

Posted: May 23, 2012 in Bussiness, Corporate Funnies, Embarresing Moments, funny, meetings, Sales

K so I let’s share most embarrassing moments shall we? Hence all the crazy voices living together in my mind its easy to assume that professionally (this will be ironic when you read the rest of my post) I’m employed as a highly motivated Sales Rep or as my company refer to me a ” Key Accounts Executive”! Sounds imported hey?? (I mean ImporTANT)…

Anyhow… One day long long ago when I still had my dignity left… I drove out to the remote area of “farmville” otherwise known as Rustenburg for a meeting! Luckily not visiting a farmer although I’m sure that would have been easier! The company I represent… let’s just say we have a glorious friendly smile reputation and our uniform enhance our best features even in the worst days ever.. ( ok get hooters out of your mind… However they do play a small part in this story) anyway think professional smart sophisticated exeterraaaaa people!!

The meeting is also with a rather large proportional business in the district and I was rather nervous since I only recently started with the company and so desperately needed my big “break”…. So I have my power undies on,steel frame glasses resting on my nose, did the whole breathalyzer test,new lipstick, splash of Eau de perfume, and whallah… ready to go make millions…..Now people this isn’t it ok?No no no a sales rep do much more than this to prepare my friends….. I mean even before this like I said the previous night you’ve already laid out the sexy power lingerie, it is off course a non party night cause you can’t effort baggy eyes and beer burps???? It’s early to bed, its a morning run to get the blood flow pumping, its fresh teeth (I know this is a given everyday but still worth mentioning), its listening to your motivational prep talk before you leave the office… In this case it was listening to my favourite “langpad treffers” all the way to Rustenburg its psychological warfare its hostile takeover kind off shit ok???? Do you read me????
(So the next time a rep come visit you, I surely hope you’ve considered the above mentioned ritual and at least appreciates the effort)

Ok so finally we’re ready and all systems GO! First mission to make the “break-thru” with the PA… the horrible, company controlling firewall!!!! I mean if I’ve tried to give her a bigger smile it would have probably went right around my face!!! You need to find the pictures of her kids and get right in there with the small talk and soccer mom shit… It’s about noticing the little dolphin on top of her BIC pen and immediately talk about your swimming with the dolphin’s life changing experience… have you actually swam with the dolphins??? who cares??? You gotta become her best friend in like minus 2 seconds!!!!! This is a deal breaker and I did gr8! I was practically invited to her son’s science fare for god sake…. So in I go… No no no no not in the Boss’s office, the boardroom…….

I get chills just thinking about it….. Those long hard..cold boardroom tables….. squeaky chairs……. aerial pictures of the company building… the silver plaque on the wall ” family enterprise since 1948″….. no one to speak to, nothing….just the cold harshness of that boardroom. A boardroom can destroy the best sales rep out there let me tell you that! The only thing the power undies helps for there is… probably the durability I’d say……. So in my case I try to conquer the brutal coldness of the boardroom, I shift my papers nicely together, I swallow my gum and clear my throat…. I lift my skirt and just re-align the stockings (don’t ask questions), I tuck in my shirt, I went straight in there to the twins and lifted them up sisters!!! and that is when it happened………… just there I made the biggest mistake of my life…….. that moment there is the moment I’ll remember for the rest of my sales repping LIFE!!!………..

The PA…my friend…. quickly pops in to give me the a last thumbs up and a hug and tell me, the Boss is ready for me. He will see me in he’s office….. A huge relief falls over me cause at least I don’t have the cold impersonal brutality of the boardroom to content with anymore….. I follow her down the corridor, she opens a big wooden door leading me into the MD’s office, where he is situated right behind he’s desk accompanied by the Financial Director and the Ops manager to whom I’m soon to be introduced and the warmth of their smiles and their pleased attitude’s amuse me from the word go…. and that’s when I saw it…

a huge HD monitor sub-divided into squares, each showing the live feed pictures of the different camera’s installed in each room of the company….I immediately recognise the first square……. THE F#@KING BOARDROOM!!!!!!!

yes …. they sat around that table and saw how I re-aligned my pantyhose, how I moved my hooters into their underwired bra to promote optimum visibility, how I tested my breath against my hand and quickly exercised my firm handshake and greeting to follow…..

I feel the heat flushing my face……..


Ok so if it’s at all possible that yours are actually worst than mine???? Please share with us……I’d certainly LOVE to hear about it…..

  1. Antz Smith says:

    WaaHahaha!!! I bet that was the best day at the office they’ve had since the x-mas party!
    Of coarse you landed the account after that little display of ‘confidence’ 😀
    Keep up the good work…

  2. doveydragon says:

    Awesome as usual !!!