Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

ITS NOT MY FAULT “WRONG” IS MOSTLY THE FUN ONE…????? 😉

 It’s been how I have been living my life and I assure you not without any hickups and its totally a life choice but something that has always stuck with me is this: I will rather regret the the choices I have made than regret the ones I never took in the 1st place!!!

You get what Im saying?? And please im not saying gamble ur life savings away or jump of a bridge. Im simply suggesting that you make time for a little bit of fun in your life… Now and again venture into the unfamiliar.. Switch things up… Try something diffent… Take chances even small ones…. cause maybe just maybe….. it could be fun….

So I know for freekazoids like me this comes with my morning coffee they just fill my head oh boy… but here’s a list of things to consider…. and when ur brave enough.. I WANT PICS……

 

* Condensed Milk/Caramel can in ur fridge???: eat it with ur finger….no spoon.. (yes lets start small) no one will know.

* Stick a poster on the rear end of ur partners car reading: He/she is getting laid tonight…

* Move the bed, turn it around

* Change or swop cds in your car with someone for a day/week. Make a cd for ur partner of a recording of a song u sang for them…

* Change date and time on someones cellphone (take caution)

* Advertise friends or bosses car in the classifieds for R10..

* Dance naked in the morning infront of the mirror to ur favourite song…

* Fetch the post dressed in a tutu or nothing….

* Phone someone you havent spoken to in a while randomely and say something nice and then hang up….

* Girls wear ur hair like princess Leila from Starwars to work

* Only pack sweets in ur lunchbox  to work one day

* Jump on a bed

* Ask a complete stranger in the mall what their fav feel good song is…. try to get and listen to it…

* Be part of a flashmob

* Write a letter urself and post it to a colleague at work saying they did a good job last wednesday ur proud of them…

* Next time u have abit of money buy all the paperboys newspapers he have left with him

* Go yell from a rooftop or viewpoint or hill

* Dress silly to a braai just because

* Eat icecream for bfast

* Tell ur kids they get to be the parents for the entire day

* Take a picture of u and the random person next to u in churh on sunday

* Go give ur grade 1 teacher an apple or flowers on springday

* In a random meeting deliver ur best oscar speech, or leave a funny weekend pic in the powepoint presentation…

* On ur next 1st day at a new job… literally take a block of ice for them to break….

* Take an aunt or uncle to play arcade games

* Next 1st date: go to the national library and eat noisy packets of things….

* Buy an old person some cotton candy

* Plan a s.w.a.t team meeting to steal a sign or billboard

* Carry someone in their bed outside while sleeping and let them wake up there

* Next datenight camp outside in ur garden

* Take an unplanned trip

* At the next braai hang out in the kids circle

* Dress up as ur favourite super hero

 

Ok so I can carry on forever…. most importantly HAVE FUN AND BE DIFFRENT…. ITS OK!!!!

 

LOVIES……..

 

Weird Girl

Posted: August 17, 2013 in funny, men, student life, women
Tags: , , ,

I’m definitely weird….. as a girl I mean. In my “other life” I could have been male… no I don’t mean I always think with my vajay-jay ok???? 😉

But tell me, dont you think this is weird?
Ok so I love beer….. im more excited by the super rugby series than the edgards red hanger sale! I love diy projects at home and gardening! I am continously fighting for possession and control of the magic freekin wand aka REMOTE CONTROL. .. and when I am steering the dstv I will garunteed flip through 150 bloody channels and then end up with ….wait for it……  on TOP GEAR…. this and the series “friends” are the only two shows that will always make me laugh!
Oh yes AND… my name is Jeanette and I burp….. I kid you not and not how…… This one time in high school I bunked home economics class to go watch a  cricket one day match with the all boys technical drawings class. I burped out loud and the teacher asked who it was? My buddies not wanting to tell it was me had to each suffer the vivacious blow of three strikes on the behind needless to say they we’re less thrilled with me…. I had to provide the drinks for the next few house parties… I swear
(more…)

Date Night

Date Night

Yes yes I know it’s been a while but life just happens OK???? Between school, kids, work, Koeksister vereeniging at the Church, Bulletjie Rugby, unsuccessfully trying to lose weight, Games of Thrones, Grey’s, family get togethers and hanging on to those few friendships you still have left sex sadly ends up last in the periodic table…. if anyone ever wondered it should have been “Fc” in the table if you ask me?

So in the midst of all things couples grows apart from each other, the other day I heard this joke and it’s soooo very true, and since sharing is caring: 🙂
{At a couples conference the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected that 85% of husbands don’t know their wives favourite flower. Koos turned to his wife and whispered: “Dis self-raising, ne?”}

OK so to make sure I don’t get “self-raising flowers” on my wedding anniversary this year I decided it a good idea to start with date nights.. (jip scary things happen when I start to think ) but im not complaining since I have been getting allot OTHER “self-raising” things since.. wink-wink….

getting ready

getting ready

So the idea is not to deplete you budget on jump ship or travel afar… it’s just to get that same old easy and fun communication going again, to talk to each other about each other…. NO TALK ABOUT KIDS!!! Dont start chatting and worrying about your kids colleague fund if he’s currently still learning to wipe he’s own bum….. this is your night…… This is time where you can sit on the loo without having the whole discussion about what happened in class today or how the brother stole the sisters candy again, or “he pulled my hair” this is to walk from the bathroom naked and get dressed right in front hubby’s tv view and pretend that you’re not doing anything different…. this is your ONE time to drink out of the bottle or your opportunity to leave the glass on the ground and not put it in the dishwasher…. this is the couples chillaxing time….. CHIL-LAX-ING…. GOT IT????
So in this post I’m going to give you a few idea’s what to do and also what NOT to do and maybe share a funny sex story that definitely qualifies in the what NOT to do category…

Kay lets start with things that’s NOT allowed, this way hopefully we can end up on a positive note and get you both excited and ready for your first DATE NIGHT!!!!

NOT TO DO ON DATE NIGHT: (DONT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS)
– plan anything outside without thinking of the weather…
– preparation, preparation…..
– don’t think it will work once the kids are asleep (they like cyborgs they ALWAYS wake up at the wrong time)
– rather leave candle wax and ice cubes to the experts
– from personal experience if you decide to make use of a sensitizing erotic lube/spray make sure you read the label correctly and not use the toy cleansing spray..
100% pure alcohol spray burns seven living shits out of you…. 🙂
– use the cuffs without keys (do not even ask)
– use satin/silk scarfs for bondage its difficult to explain to ur kids teacher why you have red marks on both wrists
– then the epic mistake please TEST hair removal products like they say on the labels (don’t use on genital areas)
– make sure all windows are closed (you don’t want a notice on your gate with a message “free porn”) btw I still don’t greet any of my neighbours
– when your wife maybe had too much wine during dinner and passes out when she hits the bed do not think to leave her to rest a bit and then in the middle of the
night try to suddenly wake her (serious injuries can occur)
– make absolutely sure your in laws is not planing a surprise visit (especially when they have keys to your house)
– with you and your partners weight the washing machine WILL NOT perform the rattles ans shakes you have in mind…. (major disappointment I know)

Ok so now that you have visuals about what NOT to do, here’s a few creative thoughts and ideas:
– stay at home movie & popcorn night ( guess the adds before the movie starts, garment needs to be removed for every wrong answer) and watch the rest of the movie
like that.
– strip poker & shooters
– naked cooking night (get each other sexy aprons and schedule naked cooking/baking evening
– take a glass jar and fill with ice cream sticks which have date ideas written on them, colour the sticks 3 colours (blue- cheap date idea, red – outing like movies
or dinner, and yellow- small things which doesn’t cost a thing) each date night take turns to pull one from the jar
– buy ice cream and watch the city lights or sundowners at a nice venue
– Game Night (unpack the PS or Wii and drink and play and laugh together)
– Wet and Wild (candles, bubblebath, champagne and massage each other afterwards)
– Ten pin bowling or Ice skating
– Go see a violin or pianist concert or poetry reading evening(something completely different)
– go to the driving range together (girls tie one of ur sexy gstrings to he’s “driver” without him seeing)
– Home Camp out: You don’t have to spend any money to create a romantic atmosphere. Built a blanket fort, add some twinkly lights and blankets. And, spend the
night exchanging love letters, talking and falling in love all over again.
– Make it Puzzling ~ Write your date night question onto any type of board and then cut it out into puzzle pieces. When your date finds it, they can put it together
and enjoy the surprise.
– Try riding a one-person bike together!
– Play tourists in your own city, Pick a place neither of you have been and spend the afternoon exploring it. Continue the touristy theme by dining at a local hotspot
or the cuisine your city is famous for.
– go to the courthouse to watch a trial – freelive Law & Order!
– serve dinner at a homeless shelter
– visit Showhomes or Open Houses (you can roleplay and pretend you just met make up ur own stories)
– go to a playground…swing, slide, climb, laugh
– go to a pub to play pool or darts
– visit a winery or brewery

OK dudes and diva’s go out there and make mommy proud!!!!

I would love your feedback…

mwah.. xxx

date night ideas

date night ideas

Diet…. See its such a complex and delicate topic that before even starting to share my thoughts with you ….I just have to do a quick pit stop in the kitchen and grab that packet of Lays chips calling for me. (No judging ok?) So yes they clearly indicate the amounts of kilojoules and calories and fat content per packet goodness they go on and on to milli fat percentages in the crumbs left in packet! But naaaaahhh they never list the good stuff? For instance: Goof Stuff about chips is how while you write and eat chips its been clinically proven on some bubblegum wrapper to enhance creativity and boost grammatical abilities almost instantly!(nom-nom) I reckon the most fatty fats only hit my butt the next day anyway? Fatties are mos slow….. And by then I’ve climbed the stairs twice anyway… See…?? I see the packet of chips “half-full”!!!
Ok Ok …. I know somewhere a gymbunny or nutritionist reading my blog is practically having some coronary attack (isn’t it ironic?), I would just like to advise everyone to not try this at home. This is my humble opinion which probably don’t mean anything to them.. or anyone…But it’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to!

So lets just get on the same page here….I’m not saying eat untill they have to lift you with a crane? But why feel punished everyday? Just knowing your on a diet is alone standing such a small word but it will make a grown man cry lemme tell you that! I mean from out of the blocks you hit a depro smack down in the middle… and then when you’re SOOOOO excited you go divide your broccli and chickens into tiny little ziplock bags. Then… yes THEN only do I even start to remotely try to get my ass off the couch from drooling over a perfectly episode of Vampire Diaries.. to go wobble my little dribbly bits right in front of a boy who could have easily been playing Damon in Vampire Diaries and probably the world’s sexiest MILF in her perfectly fitted designer fitness outfit, fully glamorous and not ONE drop of perspiration on her entire body!!! I mean WHAT THE &%#@!!!!!
How in the world will I WANT to do that to myself 5 days a week??? (yes 5 days, I have limits!).

Here we go I’m just gonna come out with it: (serious deep throat cleansing happening now…ghe-uhm)
Hi……….. my name is Jeanette (insert a friendly “Hi Jeanette” greeting here).. and I like to eat WHAT I want WHEN I want. I happen to want to eat broccoli! 😀 hehehe
I reckon BALANCE is the only word to really try (its late, I understand) to try to remember from this blog post..
B-A-L-A-N-C-E — BHA-BA-BLACK-SHEEP.. (Now I’ve lost you again right?) I’m trying to say I don’t sit still and watch my ass grow? There’s allot better things, and “fun” things you can do that won’t even feel like excercise….??? (evil grin) Please refer to my tjommie’s contact detailsdown below (pardon the pun) for awesome “weights” and “cardio-tools” for AWESOME workouts!!!! You can thank me later!

See I’m a Rep on the Road (huh I’m a poet and I don’t even know it?) 😀 Actually now that I think about it, that would make a great country song: “I’m a rep on the long and winding road” Yes just thank your lucky stars you’re not here to listen to me sing it …..So back to my day job, most of the day we’re hardly in one position longer than 30minutes (no not THOSE positions).
We walk,run,climb,beg,kneel (see there I go again) our way through the day… The tips of my heel’s don’t get to see the end of the week my friend!
I wonder how many steps we give in a day? 24 days, 9 hours a day……I mean take that stepmaster! Suck on that you sexy bloke on that bike in the little glass room that goes nowhere…. On top of that we could easily substitute as one of those taxi’s in Mozambique (no i WASN’T about to say OVERWEIGHT !! “tht”) I mean we’re like back and forth “o grieve Im honestly not doing this on purpose” hehehe from your office to the customer. You grab the laptop, handbag (as good as any weights) the coolbox with the 12 apples and 4 bottles iced water? Heavy as hell. Oh and then the customers files… Its crazy…it’s excersice camouflaged in a commission slip!!! How clever is that????

Yes so the excercise gets done someway ok? and I don’t see those options to choose from in the online vitality health review??? Oh nooooo I’m 69 years old according to them because I don’t go to the “Virgin” club…..

Then I’d also like to hereby solemnly swear that I will NEVER…EVER… substitute my Bigmac for a chicken salad !!!!
I WILL not substitute my glass of red wine for water !!!!! (I hear some strong supporters in the crowd) and
I WILL finally fall down on the couch after a crappy day and perv over Damon!
See I can read minds, I know you might wonder why??? Do you want to know why????? (gimme an air punch)
……BEEEEEECAAAAAAUSE……..
A glass of water does NOT make me happy or sexy (depending on what side of the glass you are) after the 3rd glass!!!
nor
does it make me sleep like a little baby? NO water makes me pee right thru the night and after my 2litres per day I feel like a Willy Walter the Wobbly tank!!
Another thing: (I’m on a rollnow, not physicalyy rolling.. no :))
I do not feel healthier when I start exercising.. I feel like crap!! Sweaty,your legs wobble, you smell terrible and my entire face is blood-red!! Who started with that line?? Then the next day after an “amazing” workout yesterday the three sets of stairs I have to climb at work around 7 times a day is TORTURE on my already sore jello legs!
Sometime’s.. only SOMEtimes I will go for a run out in my not so lovely neighbourhood….only cause I know I HAVE to get back home…:D and then when I come back red-faced and on the verge of an asthma attack, yes then I do drink a whole bottle of cold water and not my usual glass of dry red wine…(Blah blah) Ok enough pep talk for one night…. for the under achievers I know its late and almost Friday so don’t worry this is a below average class and I’m just going to get on with it….
MAKE IT FUN, NAUGHTY, NICE, PROFITABLE EVEN… disguise the living shit out of it because if you don’t know it’s a DIET or EXCERCISE you can’t hate it!!!!!!!

Huh? huh? Not only a pretty face ne? I have a few extra brain cells lying around…. on the couch… perving…
Ok that’s all for now, class dismissed! If it’s quite alright with all of you I’ll go suck on lettuce leaf now ……

Ok Damon, you can stay behind for detention!

oh yes before I forget… drumroll…NOW FOR YOUR ONE STOP NAUGHTY BUT NICE VIRGIN EXCERCISE SHOP! Kindly Email Sam at pureromancebysam@gmail.co.za or 084 885 3725.. and if you call NOW??????? 😀 For any and all sorts of exercise “tools” you require. You name it ! She’ll help you.. no no assist wherever she can.. agh bullocks… you can order anything from her! K?
(brochure to follow soon, she’s currently drinking in a bar ok?)

So born and bred in Pretoria and my whole very conservative Afrikaner family tree branches out throughout the “noord transvaal” so when saying that you probably don’t need to be a brain surgeon to figure out that I’m a loud and proud “BLOU BUL” supporter!!! (And I don’t wanna hear anything about the colour pink ok??)

Now I just wanna emphasize the fact that this is part of our culture here in Pretoria. In grade one kids in other provinces learn to sing the national anthem, we are only allowed to sing the “Bulls anthem” 🙂

One-day in grade 1 the teacher heard my friend asking me if my dad also supported the WP and I said no he supports the KP! (referring to the Political Party at that stage) 🙂 I didn’t know that there were any other teams playing?

I mean, I’m sure your mom also have the birthday calendar behind the toilet door right? With the birth dates of all the aunties and uncles who you’ve never even met before… My mom had every Bulls players birthday on there as well, updated yearly!! Thank god for twitter and Facebook otherwise she would have still tried and call Franchois Hougaard on he’s birthday!
Anyhow…

The point I’m trying to make is that we are a completely different species us Bulls… Don’t try to understand us cause you won’t! We’ve only had one cd in the car on our way to holiday (from grade 1 up to gr 12). Everything in Dad’s bar is proudly Bulls branded! My first born’s only baby grow was bought at Loftus!! And if it’s a girl now lately there’s pink available too! While growing up in my teens I tried to hide from it, I really did but it was impossible!! Bulls was like the fat “tannie” in your family that would find you and pinch those cheeks in front of everyone no matter where you hide .. they’ll find you!

Then I started Varsity and you don’t get closer to Loftus… So Tuks of Niks here we come!! I was day student and the 1st initiation I had was a lesson on who played what position in the Currie Cup cause let me tell you if you had any hope of picking up one of the Tuks 1st team rugby oukies you had to know your shit!

So with all of their phone numbers and numerous lessons out of my mom’s bluebulls stats book, I relatively easy got the handle on things and my mom was sooooooo proud of me! In my final year of Varsity when I graduated she gave me ALL her memorabilia! (I shit you not)

As if my mom wasn’t proud enough my sister and I decided to show of our young bodies (this was a few years back ok?) and not where??… At Loftus Versveld during the Currie Cup finals nogals!! The idea was to attract a bit of attention and hopefully meet an eligable young bachelor you can bring home to meet the parents sometime.. So we painted ourselves bulls blue – completely blue… and for bottoms took the bulls flags and wrapped it around our waists .. We bought whiskey tot-packs and hid them in our bra’s. So actually we were 32 C’s but at Bulls games we were 38 DD’s!! Loaded the Cadac and Coolerbox on Sarie (my Varsity Mazda Bakkie) and off we went…

So the idea of attracting “a little” attention completely blew up in our faces when Absa decided to choose us as the winning Bulls supporters, gave us a red coach on the field to watch the game on, and we got to run onto the field just before the team came running up through that tunnel! Ok so there and then I shatted myself!! It all clicked and I knew why Bulls supporters are all soooooo passionate!! Best day of my life… And to top it all off the next Monday I was driving old Sarie to campus when a little black boy came running towards my window trying to get me to buy the Beeld.. At first I waved him away but then my eye caught the FRONTPAGE … Holy mother of Loftus Versveld there were my sis and I in all our glory painted blue…. printed on the coverpage… I almost drove Sarie into a Jacaranda tree…

So my mom still have the lifesize Beeld frontpage framed,hanging in the living room! The whole “noord transvaal family branch” was sent a copy!

I accepted my fate and still today remain a proud Bulls supporter, superbru and tweet all the players on their birthdays! Both my sons probably yelled “skop hom Frikkie” before they said “mommy” and we still play the Bulls song when we braai!

NOU die BLOU!!!

For more info on our Bulls culture kindly go to:
http://www.thebulls.co.za/home.aspx

Ok so the latest buzzz/hype/craze slash what the f@ck ever they call it…. is NOT a rumour…… ITS GLORIOUS …
In all its 50 shades of grey…..
If you havent read it, I STRONGLY advise you to do so and sooner than f@cking later alright????

For the more “experienced” .. that is ….readers amongst us…. we all have in our own twisted minds THA visual of OUR Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (those unfortunate people who HAVENT read the books yet, we’re not exactly referring to Peter Pan and Tinkerbell here) So what I need you’re help with is…… (insert drumroll here…) you’re opinions as to which actors you think should play Christian & Ana in the movie :50 Shades of Grey!!
Down under….. (pardon the evil pun) you’ll see some suggestions… please poleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzze go and vote!!!!!!!

Ok for our glorious stunning evil wicked naughty dominant Christian Grey we have in no particular order….. :

1) IAN SOMERHALDER (Damon in Vampire Diaries)

2) ALEXANDER SKARSGARD (Eric in True Blood)

3) COLIN EGGLESFIELD

4) HUGH JACKMAN (Wolverine)

5) ROBERT PATTINSON (Edward in Twilight)

6) TOM WELLING (Smallville)

7) CHRIS HEMSWORTH (Thor)

OK SO LEMME SEE WHAT YOU THINK:

AND FOR OUR INNOCENT SUCCULENT JUICY MISS ANA STEELE I PRESENT TO YOU:

1) KATE HOLMES (Dawsons Creek)

2) MILA KUNIS (That 70’s Show)

3) LILY COLLINS (Mirror Mirror)

4) NINA DOBREV (Vampire Diaries)

5) LEIGHTON MEESTER (Gossip Girl)

and….. votes for our Ana???

K so don’t even ask me what year it was….. All I know is that we had tight butts,perky boobs and our bodies had the remarkable capability to function solely (and very effectively really) on first a HEAVY and then a steady then heavy and again steady supply of……. (drumroll) alcohol!!! YES YES YES

SO HOW DID WE DO IT? I promise you the best micro biologists (or whatever they call themselves) in the world is still daily working very hard to understand the physiological dynamics of a student. We hardly ate anything decent…. didn’t get ANY sleep (do I need to elaborate?), partied till the sun came up in a very much polluted and smoke congested club where there is hardly any space to move, but we danced baby!!! Oh yes we did (at least we exercised right?). All of this whilst consuming any form of liquid sure to have you forget you’re name, sshllurrrr when you tried to communicate, fall around and occasionally end up passed out it a toilet cubicle….. Did that stop us????? Oh noooo….. nooooo nooooo. Nope the next night you’ll repeat the exact same routine with even more vigour and enthusiasm and maybe even except drinks from strangers.

You’d spend an entire holiday with a group of friends (strangers you met at the tattoo parlour) and maybe if you’re lucky remember their names when you return from holiday, although it’s a very slim chance. I remember one year we actually camped, yes in tents! Till this day I’m proud to announce that putting up that tent in my condition at that time is to this day one of my biggest accomplishments…. (you really had to be there to get it). Although the tent didn’t quite make it to the end… see on new years eve,midday,morning.. ok im not sure what time I miraculously made it back to my tent… (students get a free body gps unit implanted on the day you enroll at Varsity) HOWEVER… I did not succeed in waking up when someone broke into my freekin tent… no they didn’t use the front zip, they completely cut opened the whole side canvas (I kid you not) and stole a whole bunch of my very personal belongings… If some weren’t valuable I really wouldn’t have reported it to the police station on new years day with a huge headache, babbelas and repeated little vomits in my mouth whilst sitting next to one of 30 other victims all resembling my beautiful state of health identically… The real embarrassment only effectively sunk in, when the Officer on duty called my name out loud …very loud and announced that some of my belongings were found…. I went .. “please let it be my Oakleys” and he went “one medium-sized pink g-string with slogan reading; Find the little mouse house”…… Needles to say I had to walk to the front and collect my belonging in front of everyone… Including the very cute boy I passed out with the previous Wednesday…. Dane was it? No Dan or Drake… nope can’t remember!

I didn’t only loose stuff during Margate holidays ok? I was a rather innovative young entrepreneur if I might add. Let me explain:
Everyone knows the rules for news years eve…on Margate…
You wake up on the 31st, gulp down a Bloody-Mary or the mix of drinks in a cup left from last night, fix the black mascarra rings around your eyes, put on a new bikini, pack (oh sorry you didn’t really have anything to pack) and off to the beach as early as possible to A- dig your own mother of a hole in the sand or B-Paid someone to do it for you… Because if the rest of your buddies eventually make their way to the beach you’ll start the party in a freekin deep hole on Margate Beach…. (see how important social skills deveopment in the sandbox during pre-school years becomes)
You’re probably wondering where the entrepreneurial skills came in? Well well this is how I roll.
I weren’t exactly shy back then, so me and my sis had this brainwave (taking in consideration that most braincells were killed by then) invented the MARGATE BEACHFRONT TOLLGATE SYSTEM! Yes people! Two drunk students invented the TOLL SYSTEM…Taraaaaa!!!! How it worked….. You had to pay us, if you wanted to cross over to another hole… Ok I’ll come clean, at first it were a very profitable upcomming ENTERPRISE, then we started accepting “items” as payment which really also worked for me (collected a vast array of expensive sunglasses and Billabong gear). Then it kinda went downhill… the real liquidation (pardon the pun) of the company only happened when we started to accept kisses in order for the guys to pass through……. Sho! Best kissing booth eva!!! A clear example of how alcohol effects brain function as well as impaired vision) At least the income generated from Tollfee’s in our 1st financial quarter (that would be from 9am-11am on the 31st of Dec) went towards emmmm 25 “R5” McDonald burgers which lasted approximately 3 days… So it basically kept the company alive… hehehe

Then the time came, the countdown…… everyone frantically rushing around to stand next to who-ever ……. we all honored our Gr1 teacher by counting back from 10 to 1 (I have come across a many drunken student struggling with this part), we kiss.. we hug…. we cry… we promise to always keep in touch (NEVER HAPPENED) and then we all chained in, started swinging from left to right and sang:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

OH SO THIS IS THE REAL LYRICS???? See? You’re never to old to learn… Still a student at heart! 😀 Just with more WORK EXPERIENCE! hehehe

K so I let’s share most embarrassing moments shall we? Hence all the crazy voices living together in my mind its easy to assume that professionally (this will be ironic when you read the rest of my post) I’m employed as a highly motivated Sales Rep or as my company refer to me a ” Key Accounts Executive”! Sounds imported hey?? (I mean ImporTANT)…

Anyhow… One day long long ago when I still had my dignity left… I drove out to the remote area of “farmville” otherwise known as Rustenburg for a meeting! Luckily not visiting a farmer although I’m sure that would have been easier! The company I represent… let’s just say we have a glorious friendly smile reputation and our uniform enhance our best features even in the worst days ever.. ( ok get hooters out of your mind… However they do play a small part in this story) anyway think professional smart sophisticated exeterraaaaa people!!

The meeting is also with a rather large proportional business in the district and I was rather nervous since I only recently started with the company and so desperately needed my big “break”…. So I have my power undies on,steel frame glasses resting on my nose, did the whole breathalyzer test,new lipstick, splash of Eau de perfume, and whallah… ready to go make millions…..Now people this isn’t it ok?No no no a sales rep do much more than this to prepare my friends….. I mean even before this like I said the previous night you’ve already laid out the sexy power lingerie, it is off course a non party night cause you can’t effort baggy eyes and beer burps???? It’s early to bed, its a morning run to get the blood flow pumping, its fresh teeth (I know this is a given everyday but still worth mentioning), its listening to your motivational prep talk before you leave the office… In this case it was listening to my favourite “langpad treffers” all the way to Rustenburg its psychological warfare its hostile takeover kind off shit ok???? Do you read me????
(So the next time a rep come visit you, I surely hope you’ve considered the above mentioned ritual and at least appreciates the effort)

Ok so finally we’re ready and all systems GO! First mission to make the “break-thru” with the PA… the horrible, company controlling firewall!!!! I mean if I’ve tried to give her a bigger smile it would have probably went right around my face!!! You need to find the pictures of her kids and get right in there with the small talk and soccer mom shit… It’s about noticing the little dolphin on top of her BIC pen and immediately talk about your swimming with the dolphin’s life changing experience… have you actually swam with the dolphins??? who cares??? You gotta become her best friend in like minus 2 seconds!!!!! This is a deal breaker and I did gr8! I was practically invited to her son’s science fare for god sake…. So in I go… No no no no not in the Boss’s office, the boardroom…….

I get chills just thinking about it….. Those long hard..cold boardroom tables….. squeaky chairs……. aerial pictures of the company building… the silver plaque on the wall ” family enterprise since 1948″….. no one to speak to, nothing….just the cold harshness of that boardroom. A boardroom can destroy the best sales rep out there let me tell you that! The only thing the power undies helps for there is… probably the durability I’d say……. So in my case I try to conquer the brutal coldness of the boardroom, I shift my papers nicely together, I swallow my gum and clear my throat…. I lift my skirt and just re-align the stockings (don’t ask questions), I tuck in my shirt, I went straight in there to the twins and lifted them up sisters!!! and that is when it happened………… just there I made the biggest mistake of my life…….. that moment there is the moment I’ll remember for the rest of my sales repping LIFE!!!………..

The PA…my friend…. quickly pops in to give me the a last thumbs up and a hug and tell me, the Boss is ready for me. He will see me in he’s office….. A huge relief falls over me cause at least I don’t have the cold impersonal brutality of the boardroom to content with anymore….. I follow her down the corridor, she opens a big wooden door leading me into the MD’s office, where he is situated right behind he’s desk accompanied by the Financial Director and the Ops manager to whom I’m soon to be introduced and the warmth of their smiles and their pleased attitude’s amuse me from the word go…. and that’s when I saw it…

a huge HD monitor sub-divided into squares, each showing the live feed pictures of the different camera’s installed in each room of the company….I immediately recognise the first square……. THE F#@KING BOARDROOM!!!!!!!

yes …. they sat around that table and saw how I re-aligned my pantyhose, how I moved my hooters into their underwired bra to promote optimum visibility, how I tested my breath against my hand and quickly exercised my firm handshake and greeting to follow…..

I feel the heat flushing my face……..

all in all – I MADE THE SALE I LANDED  THE ACCOUNT……

Ok so if it’s at all possible that yours are actually worst than mine???? Please share with us……I’d certainly LOVE to hear about it…..

Damsel in Distress??

Let’s just say; I’m not your average Damsel!

The word “damsel” derives from the French demoiselle, meaning “young lady”, and the term “damsel in distress” in turn is a translation of the French demoiselle en détresse. It is an archaic term not used in modern English except for effect or in expressions such as this, which can be traced back to the knight errant of Medieval songs and tales, who regarded the saving of such women as an essential part of his raison d’être. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damsel_in_distress
Ok so by now you must have surely realized that I’m not average. I don’t know how to describe myself correctly, but at least I can honestly say that I’m definitely NOT average. From the age of 14, I shared a home with 8 male Engineering students. See the Mechanical Engineers mainly consisted of drunken, greasy, ponytailed metal-heads on a constant high, devoting any extra time available to grasp the cords on the electric guitar hopelessly failing to play ACDC’s “Thunder”! The electrical or civil engineers did the cargo pants with check shirts and a neatly divided “middelpaadjie”. Their moms sent baked goodies to them each month and their rooms were disturbingly tidy! Basically you can assume from this household environment that I had a vast variety of role models to learn from. I could take the best and worst attributes and apply it to my own life. I exchanged school dances with Varisty Rag, my curfew went from 22:00 to 02:00 o clock. Kissing boys on school terrain ( I won’t lie this still happened) changed to pretending I’m a law student at a house party. I can carry on and on with the list but I’m sure the point were carried across. The agreement between my mom and the students VERY clearly and on the front page indicated that at NO stage is fraternizing with her daughters allowed. Let’s just say I applied the “rules are made to be broken” philosophy in a rather frequent manner! The students soon taught me how to burp in public and my abilities in that department exceeded all expectations especially when once I’ve burped the next-door neighbor’s dogs started to bark aggressively. This skill did come very handy when I had to initiate a quick distraction of some kind. Basically I had the time of my life!!! The burping actually reminds me of an incident in my Matric year. See I usually bunked home economics for the Technical Drawing class, which primarily consisted of only boys. On this particular day the teacher allowed them to watch an international cricket match between SA and Australia on the one condition that they remain silent and with no funny pranks or wise cracks from anyone. With me off course the only girl around. We were all busy consuming our purchases from the school kiosk and mine included a can of cola. Now see my emmmm gas level capacity increased a bit too quick and I had to let out some. It was louder than I anticipated thus I brought the whole class to a dead silence for about 2 minutes. Everybody stopped and searched the classroom to identify the boy brave enough to challenge Mr. Smith’s promise. I would guess that at least 4 boys knew it was me, but they didn’t make a sound. After what felt like an eternity Mr. Smith asked us who it was.
I wasn’t about to confess? Imagine how humiliated the guys would be? Like any underpaid teacher the pure joy of taking revenge and proving to the department of education the positive impact a conveyor belt banging across the buttocks of 20 young boys can have on class moral, they each got 3 lashings. Three lashings each, across of those I saw were very attractive rear-ends if I may say so. Off course I walked out of there unharmed and had to listen to a speech on “how to behave in front of girls” Mr Smith so passionately delivered just before the bell rang. After class Peter and gang did however mention to me that they would think up an appropriate punishment for me to settle at a later stage. The other boys who heard later weren’t too impressed with me either, but in a dead poet’s society kind of way I did earn respect amongst them. Also little did I know that my punishment later the year was to ask the headmaster (yes yes the biggest numb-nut known to humanity) to dance at our Matric dance. I am still slightly disturbed and mentally damaged from that experience but my therapist has made fast improvements thus far.

Ok so back to life in the Fraternity House. When the time arrived that I attend varsity I was already initiated and operated like a well oiled party machine! I actually want to share a certain incident with you which went down round about my 3rd or 4th year in varsity (accuracy on timing not guaranteed). I say incident because when you’re a student living life in the fast lane you tend to completely lose the best part of your better judgment. So party nights were now extended from Monday – Saturday every night with a clock in card around 4am each morning. In recent times in my life I often ponder about this miraculous ability to party non-stop, I cannot for the love of it figure out where we got the energy from back then? Ok ok I actually do know, but certain things are best left unsaid *evil grin*.
So one Friday night in Hatfield (confessions of the Hatfield harem) we met up with an international visiting rugby team (I signed a confidentially clause ok?). After many a shooters and the cross exchange of saliva we had to remove the international claws from ourselves and call a taxi for the blokes to take them back to the hotel they were staying at. Due to our southern hospitality we were invited to the lobby lounge of the International Hotel at OR Tambo to have farewell drinks with the boys before their flight departs the next morning early. We really thought this would be a small gathering and to our astonishment turn out to be a formal team event with coaches and team managers and IRB officials. I was completely gob-smacked and reckoned I have met yet another “love of my life” (for the record this is a regular occurrence displayed numerously with girls between the ages 20 – 24) and that I’d become the next rugby-housewife and immigrate, all planned out. Well loverboy reckoned we should go somewhere more “private” to say our farewell’s which I was as eager to do. Up in he’s room, a scene pretty much similar to those in the “Mills & Boons” stories played out and we we’re rather hot and bothered. But wait there’s more: At that stage there were a knock at the door. Loverboy went to open the door and whallah Mr. Team Coach were standing there himself. At first I thought we were in trouble and that I’m gonna get a speech on how these activities influence player potential blah blah but instead what Mr Coach requested was rather weird and slightly disturbing. Ok so we’re talking about me here, meaning that “slightly disturbing” sounded rather exciting to me and if it weren’t for the gentle mannerism in which he kindly requested my permission I would have been outa there in a second or…possibly in huge trouble…. Instead we all signed a confidentiality clause and me and loverboy proceeded with our devious acts while the Head Coach of an international rugby team kept a close eye on the ball and made sure that no hands were used in the ruck!! *wink*
Definition of a ruck and maul?
A ruck is where a player has been tackled and has been gone to ground after both opposition and their own players have joined and created a ruck. The hands must NOT be used in a ruck after it has been formed.
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_rugby_ruck_and_maul#ixzz1jZIikgt1

to write or not to write

Posted: October 8, 2011 in funny, love, men, psychology, women

First you start off with a Fancy phone, 1st thing you install is facebook and off course if your under 18 its mxit. You start with sharing a few jokes with your fb friends and poke someone here and there…soon it becomes boring and you hear the new buzzword “twitter” you get one of ur friends to show it to you and before you know you have 500 followers and facebook is suddenly soooooo last year. Bottom line is you are sharing much more info about yourself to strangers than ever before.

These friends and followers begin to respect you and you become a vital part of their day. They then depend on you to make them laugh or brighten up their day.

So like a drug you obviously want more and you start thinking about beginning your own blog ( hopefully more intellectual one than my attemp I hope?) But before you know it your actually writing (not that ur any good so relax) but as with life we’re continuously striving towards growth which brings me to the next question… What do I want to write about?? And this is where I need you’re help… Please indicate which of the following topics will interest you? All financial,scientific and numeric professionals pls don’t even bother to vote 😀

A – biography of trust me one fucking crazy life
B – short romance story
C – a piece on adapting personalities
D – sexual stories
E – sci-fi fiction

Please I need your feedback – pls send this to all ur friends to help me decide. And leave a comment? A,B,C,D,E

To write??

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