Archive for the ‘men’ Category

Weird Girl

Posted: August 17, 2013 in funny, men, student life, women
Tags: , , ,

I’m definitely weird….. as a girl I mean. In my “other life” I could have been male… no I don’t mean I always think with my vajay-jay ok???? πŸ˜‰

But tell me, dont you think this is weird?
Ok so I love beer….. im more excited by the super rugby series than the edgards red hanger sale! I love diy projects at home and gardening! I am continously fighting for possession and control of the magic freekin wand aka REMOTE CONTROL. .. and when I am steering the dstv I will garunteed flip through 150 bloody channels and then end up with ….wait for it……Β  on TOP GEAR…. this and the series “friends” are the only two shows that will always make me laugh!
Oh yes AND… my name is Jeanette and I burp….. I kid you not and not how…… This one time in high school I bunked home economics class to go watch aΒ  cricket one day match with the all boys technical drawings class. I burped out loud and the teacher asked who it was? My buddies not wanting to tell it was me had to each suffer the vivacious blow of three strikes on the behind needless to say they we’re less thrilled with me…. I had to provide the drinks for the next few house parties… I swear
(more…)

Date Night

Date Night

Yes yes I know it’s been a while but life just happens OK???? Between school, kids, work, Koeksister vereeniging at the Church, Bulletjie Rugby, unsuccessfully trying to lose weight, Games of Thrones, Grey’s, family get togethers and hanging on to those few friendships you still have left sex sadly ends up last in the periodic table…. if anyone ever wondered it should have been “Fc” in the table if you ask me?

So in the midst of all things couples grows apart from each other, the other day I heard this joke and it’s soooo very true, and since sharing is caring: πŸ™‚
{At a couples conference the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected that 85% of husbands don’t know their wives favourite flower. Koos turned to his wife and whispered: “Dis self-raising, ne?”}

OK so to make sure I don’t get “self-raising flowers” on my wedding anniversary this year I decided it a good idea to start with date nights.. (jip scary things happen when I start to think ) but im not complaining since I have been getting allot OTHER “self-raising” things since.. wink-wink….

getting ready

getting ready

So the idea is not to deplete you budget on jump ship or travel afar… it’s just to get that same old easy and fun communication going again, to talk to each other about each other…. NO TALK ABOUT KIDS!!! Dont start chatting and worrying about your kids colleague fund if he’s currently still learning to wipe he’s own bum….. this is your night…… This is time where you can sit on the loo without having the whole discussion about what happened in class today or how the brother stole the sisters candy again, or “he pulled my hair” this is to walk from the bathroom naked and get dressed right in front hubby’s tv view and pretend that you’re not doing anything different…. this is your ONE time to drink out of the bottle or your opportunity to leave the glass on the ground and not put it in the dishwasher…. this is the couples chillaxing time….. CHIL-LAX-ING…. GOT IT????
So in this post I’m going to give you a few idea’s what to do and also what NOT to do and maybe share a funny sex story that definitely qualifies in the what NOT to do category…

Kay lets start with things that’s NOT allowed, this way hopefully we can end up on a positive note and get you both excited and ready for your first DATE NIGHT!!!!

NOT TO DO ON DATE NIGHT: (DONT TRY THIS AT HOME KIDS)
– plan anything outside without thinking of the weather…
– preparation, preparation…..
– don’t think it will work once the kids are asleep (they like cyborgs they ALWAYS wake up at the wrong time)
– rather leave candle wax and ice cubes to the experts
– from personal experience if you decide to make use of a sensitizing erotic lube/spray make sure you read the label correctly and not use the toy cleansing spray..
100% pure alcohol spray burns seven living shits out of you…. πŸ™‚
– use the cuffs without keys (do not even ask)
– use satin/silk scarfs for bondage its difficult to explain to ur kids teacher why you have red marks on both wrists
– then the epic mistake please TEST hair removal products like they say on the labels (don’t use on genital areas)
– make sure all windows are closed (you don’t want a notice on your gate with a message “free porn”) btw I still don’t greet any of my neighbours
– when your wife maybe had too much wine during dinner and passes out when she hits the bed do not think to leave her to rest a bit and then in the middle of the
night try to suddenly wake her (serious injuries can occur)
– make absolutely sure your in laws is not planing a surprise visit (especially when they have keys to your house)
– with you and your partners weight the washing machine WILL NOT perform the rattles ans shakes you have in mind…. (major disappointment I know)

Ok so now that you have visuals about what NOT to do, here’s a few creative thoughts and ideas:
– stay at home movie & popcorn night ( guess the adds before the movie starts, garment needs to be removed for every wrong answer) and watch the rest of the movie
like that.
– strip poker & shooters
– naked cooking night (get each other sexy aprons and schedule naked cooking/baking evening
– take a glass jar and fill with ice cream sticks which have date ideas written on them, colour the sticks 3 colours (blue- cheap date idea, red – outing like movies
or dinner, and yellow- small things which doesn’t cost a thing) each date night take turns to pull one from the jar
– buy ice cream and watch the city lights or sundowners at a nice venue
– Game Night (unpack the PS or Wii and drink and play and laugh together)
– Wet and Wild (candles, bubblebath, champagne and massage each other afterwards)
– Ten pin bowling or Ice skating
– Go see a violin or pianist concert or poetry reading evening(something completely different)
– go to the driving range together (girls tie one of ur sexy gstrings to he’s “driver” without him seeing)
– Home Camp out: You don’t have to spend any money to create a romantic atmosphere. Built a blanket fort, add some twinkly lights and blankets. And, spend the
night exchanging love letters, talking and falling in love all over again.
– Make it Puzzling ~ Write your date night question onto any type of board and then cut it out into puzzle pieces. When your date finds it, they can put it together
and enjoy the surprise.
– Try riding a one-person bike together!
– Play tourists in your own city, Pick a place neither of you have been and spend the afternoon exploring it. Continue the touristy theme by dining at a local hotspot
or the cuisine your city is famous for.
– go to the courthouse to watch a trial – freelive Law & Order!
– serve dinner at a homeless shelter
– visit Showhomes or Open Houses (you can roleplay and pretend you just met make up ur own stories)
– go to a playground…swing, slide, climb, laugh
– go to a pub to play pool or darts
– visit a winery or brewery

OK dudes and diva’s go out there and make mommy proud!!!!

I would love your feedback…

mwah.. xxx

date night ideas

date night ideas

to write or not to write

Posted: October 8, 2011 in funny, love, men, psychology, women

First you start off with a Fancy phone, 1st thing you install is facebook and off course if your under 18 its mxit. You start with sharing a few jokes with your fb friends and poke someone here and there…soon it becomes boring and you hear the new buzzword “twitter” you get one of ur friends to show it to you and before you know you have 500 followers and facebook is suddenly soooooo last year. Bottom line is you are sharing much more info about yourself to strangers than ever before.

These friends and followers begin to respect you and you become a vital part of their day. They then depend on you to make them laugh or brighten up their day.

So like a drug you obviously want more and you start thinking about beginning your own blog ( hopefully more intellectual one than my attemp I hope?) But before you know it your actually writing (not that ur any good so relax) but as with life we’re continuously striving towards growth which brings me to the next question… What do I want to write about?? And this is where I need you’re help… Please indicate which of the following topics will interest you? All financial,scientific and numeric professionals pls don’t even bother to vote πŸ˜€

A – biography of trust me one fucking crazy life
B – short romance story
C – a piece on adapting personalities
D – sexual stories
E – sci-fi fiction

Please I need your feedback – pls send this to all ur friends to help me decide. And leave a comment? A,B,C,D,E

To write??

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Ok so im curious…. I know, its a very scary thought to have me on the loose… curious and all (hehehe)

But its all really the RWC’s fault…. Se-Ri-As!!! I mean, besides drooling at the boys in they’re wet shirts and muscled bodies (1st secret reveilled: we dont watch the game, we look at the stunning men) πŸ™‚ anyway in between this I managed to hear the very famous number calling in the Line Out….. which got me curious…. Are their some secret code or unspoken tradition that gives meaning to the numbers??? For Instance 3 – 8 – 1 (is actually the number of times the guys scored this month) or the combination to he’s minnibar in the Hotel… oeh oeh or the room number in the hotel where the sexy chick will be waiting????

huh…. huh….? I mean don’t you ever wonder about these things? I sometimes wonder about when big mates phone each other and immediately asks “drinks at Ben’s House tonight?” not “Hi, how are you, warra warra” an immediate “drinks at Ben’s House tonight?”…. so maybe that is like the code sentence for telling everyone to be at Teaser’s tonight at 8??? I don’t know…

Common now, stay anonymous if you like, but please help me out here! If you know about anything similar….. speak now or forever hold your peace…..

Common girls….??? Anything from the fair side?

Please people, let make this an interactive one!!!

whoop whoop…..

Ok so if you guys can recall I said a while ago that I’ll only write/blog when Im “inspired” to do so…and what I am about to say now may affend some sensitive readers and some girls still living in denial.(If you fall into any of these categories, please go make some tea and water the plants rather). Now, this little piggy woke up this morning and shared a remarkable similarity often present in the male species, I almost wanna say life altering experience people? Ok and No I didn’t wake up and fart (and with fart I mean more like refilling the gas chamber untill your partner has no other choice but to leave the room) and then still charmingly continued to scratch my balls and patt my penis for good behaviour….. Nooooooooo for a brief second (second that felt like a lifetime) I woke up (yes, I openend my eyes and thought immediately about SEX!) Not flowers, and candles that led toward sex, oh no, a one track channel hacking into a morning porn server…. I MEAN REALLY????

At first its overwhelming and confusing, you feel drunk…. and after you ruled out the possibilities for causing this strange sensation you keep on comming back to the porn! I had my first cup of coffee with the hopes that coffee will be bad for sexual frustration but NOOOOOO, nothings gonna get through this sucker! Then in the hallway you slid past your partner, at this stage looking as hidious as ever with his hands in he’s pants hardly focussing while mumbling something about you stealing he’s pillow…. and whoossshhh Nothing! In my mind I heard him saying i look raveshing and the deep sleepy look turned into a sexy tiger like ppuurrrrrrrr…… I felt drugged …..

But the more I tried to fight it, the worst it got… I tried to focus on catholic school boys (huge mistake) and started reciting the life cycle of the lipidoptera, but it was like a dark force consuming my thoughts….

Im sure the boys will agree….. that usually on this day…. your partner would be in the least possible mood to tolerate this dark lust intentions…… its like they have woken up on a different planet… and ooohhh dont even try to mention this feelings, it has devastating after effects…. you”ll get eaten alive! First you get the “look” the WTF “look” that is; and then in a remarkable 2 seconds there-after they switch on the polar caps and hit you with an icy cold “go fuck yourself”…..

Im a Venus inhibitor….. and this morning I woke up in flippen Mars!!!

From there everything goes south….. sour….. ok it went a little bitchy as well and all because I didn’t get sex… Like a kid wanting candy I blew up my cheecks and deliberately caused kak all around…. even strange unfamiliar people suffered throughout the day, standing next to me with that “I got it all this morning smirks” gghhmmppfff!!! Get out of my way!!!

I must say after this experience a SUDDEN HUGE FEELING OF REMORSE DOWNED UPON ME…. my heart started aching at the thought of knowing that atleast 60% of all males wakes up like this EVERY MORNING!!! BOYS….Im so sorry !!! It must be a living hell…. and after a day like this I completely give you permission to stare at my boobs rather than looking in my eyes…. your welcome to slap my ass and Im starting a porn magazine collection in the coffee lounge at work from next week on…..

Girls lets spare a minute and bow our heads in respect….. lets try and be a bit more supportive…For starters if you see that look in their eyes? Dont come walking past in your sexiest lingerie? COVER UP! Go dress in the kids room if you must! Trust me when I say; you DONT want to be in their position daily… I was THIS close to insanity… It took an extreme shopping spree and a quick “eat,pray,love” session to get myself back to normal again…..

Sho! hectic man…… MEN? I feel your pain…..My only advice to all you out there would be…. make the effort, do the wine and dine and gifts man…. and get laid….

πŸ˜€ good luck