Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

bridge club…

Posted: January 27, 2015 in Uncategorized

goodness fuckin gracious me… 5 am club, 30 day challenge club,  vino club, sabie tube race club…what’s next fuckin bridge club.???.. (im in if i can actually sit and do fuck-all in that club just saying….)

Jeeeez but with struggling so much to get up at 5am i DO feel like an old lady and after literally hearing my fat wobble while i plank for 30 seconds(tx Tyna) its clear evidence that i am old… ok ok old….ish????

Bottom line I love all of you, who does this with me. We need each other, and we inspire each other, and that’s something  very magical!!! One day when we are 80 (fuck we dont have an 80yr old in one of these groups already right?) as i was saying when we’re 80 and playing poker (phhtt bridge??) while smoking too much we are going to talk about these pow-wows and laugh about it!

Ps: I also blog 5am in the mornings so anything you say might be held against you!!!

ok now im gonna sit at the bottom of the stairs to my room untill the feeling in my legs actually returns…. Might take a while…… ok someone send help….. ???

can the help look like him pls???? *evilgrin*



if everything was easy

Posted: January 26, 2015 in Uncategorized

fuck. … sorry that’s how I feel…Today wasn’t as easy and self liberating as Friday??? This morning I felt the shackles around my anckles chained to the bed…. ( and NO not in a S&M kinda good way *wink*)

The run was nice…. had less energy this morning (probably due to the wine consumption last night) but the fresh air was beautifully fresh. I regret not sticking to my diet this weekend and i drank too much… but who in the hell go for a run if you can enjoy a glass of wine….. duh????

I reckon if everything were easy we wouldn’t have winners… and im a winner! !! might be in the Olympic wine drinking team πŸ˜‰ but i am … “wine” is “win” with an “e”.. coincidence????

i showed up… that’s all it takes… im here… now living and having fun!



5 am bitchesssssss

Posted: January 23, 2015 in Uncategorized

Ok so aparently it takes a motivational coach from SalesGuru (Venetia Butler) to give me a big fat kick up my ass an open my world up to the 5 a clock club… (its day one ok???? so let’s not get ahead of ourselves here) It would be fucking mind blowing if i can keep this up for 66days) yes thats how long science says you have to do something before its becomes a rabbit… fuck sorry I mean HABIT! So at 5am i go jogging followed by blogging (apparently I’m writing poems as wel ghe-ghe)….

Right bunnies soooo sorry hey i see some serias freekin  dust gathered on this shelve for a year while i slept in late and cuddled with my dark emotions….  ( u’ll be glad to know i havent murdered any of my family members in their sleep) but i sure as hell started investing in the “grape” business…. πŸ˜‰ and some things should never change. uh-uh ..i know u wanna say something. .. just leave it……. πŸ™‚

Ohhhh lots to look fw to ( have an end in sight  always) some gr8 stories are gonna be written here… some funny some naughy some nice……. “i feeel goooood taratarada” (downloading that song now……

and…. A for freekin away …and. (drumroll) capetown next weekend… whooop whooop…

Thought for today: if u cant help yourself help a friend out today!! (use it like you want *evilgrin*)
It’s FiiiiiΓ¬day! signing off see u monday babies….



Β It’s been how I have been living my life and I assure you not without any hickups and its totally a life choice but something that has always stuck with me is this: I will rather regret the the choices I have made than regret the ones I never took in the 1st place!!!

You get what Im saying?? And please im not saying gamble ur life savings away or jump of a bridge. Im simply suggesting that you make time for a little bit of fun in your life… Now and again venture into the unfamiliar.. Switch things up… Try something diffent… Take chances even small ones…. cause maybe just maybe….. it could be fun….

So I know for freekazoids like me this comes with my morning coffee they just fill my head oh boy… but here’s a list of things to consider…. and when ur brave enough.. I WANT PICS……


* Condensed Milk/Caramel can in ur fridge???: eat it with ur finger….no spoon.. (yes lets start small) no one will know.

* Stick a poster on the rear end of ur partners car reading: He/she is getting laid tonight…

* Move the bed, turn it around

* Change or swop cds in your car with someone for a day/week. Make a cd for ur partner of a recording of a song u sang for them…

* Change date and time on someones cellphone (take caution)

* Advertise friends or bosses car in the classifieds for R10..

* Dance naked in the morning infront of the mirror to ur favourite song…

* Fetch the post dressed in a tutu or nothing….

* Phone someone you havent spoken to in a while randomely and say something nice and then hang up….

* Girls wear ur hair like princess Leila from Starwars to work

* Only pack sweets in ur lunchbox Β to work one day

* Jump on a bed

* Ask a complete stranger in the mall what their fav feel good song is…. try to get and listen to it…

* Be part of a flashmob

* Write a letter urself and post it to a colleague at work saying they did a good job last wednesday ur proud of them…

* Next time u have abit of money buy all the paperboys newspapers he have left with him

* Go yell from a rooftop or viewpoint or hill

* Dress silly to a braai just because

* Eat icecream for bfast

* Tell ur kids they get to be the parents for the entire day

* Take a picture of u and the random person next to u in churh on sunday

* Go give ur grade 1 teacher an apple or flowers on springday

* In a random meeting deliver ur best oscar speech, or leave a funny weekend pic in the powepoint presentation…

* On ur next 1st day at a new job… literally take a block of ice for them to break….

* Take an aunt or uncle to play arcade games

* Next 1st date: go to the national library and eat noisy packets of things….

* Buy an old person some cotton candy

* Plan a s.w.a.t team meeting to steal a sign or billboard

* Carry someone in their bed outside while sleeping and let them wake up there

* Next datenight camp outside in ur garden

* Take an unplanned trip

* At the next braai hang out in the kids circle

* Dress up as ur favourite super hero


Ok so I can carry on forever…. most importantly HAVE FUN AND BE DIFFRENT…. ITS OK!!!!




Date Night

Date Night

Yes yes I know it’s been a while but life just happens OK???? Between school, kids, work, Koeksister vereeniging at the Church, Bulletjie Rugby, unsuccessfully trying to lose weight, Games of Thrones, Grey’s, family get togethers and hanging on to those few friendships you still have left sex sadly ends up last in the periodic table…. if anyone ever wondered it should have been “Fc” in the table if you ask me?

So in the midst of all things couples grows apart from each other, the other day I heard this joke and it’s soooo very true, and since sharing is caring: πŸ™‚
{At a couples conference the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected that 85% of husbands don’t know their wives favourite flower. Koos turned to his wife and whispered: “Dis self-raising, ne?”}

OK so to make sure I don’t get “self-raising flowers” on my wedding anniversary this year I decided it a good idea to start with date nights.. (jip scary things happen when I start to think ) but im not complaining since I have been getting allot OTHER “self-raising” things since.. wink-wink….

getting ready

getting ready

So the idea is not to deplete you budget on jump ship or travel afar… it’s just to get that same old easy and fun communication going again, to talk to each other about each other…. NO TALK ABOUT KIDS!!! Dont start chatting and worrying about your kids colleague fund if he’s currently still learning to wipe he’s own bum….. this is your night…… This is time where you can sit on the loo without having the whole discussion about what happened in class today or how the brother stole the sisters candy again, or “he pulled my hair” this is to walk from the bathroom naked and get dressed right in front hubby’s tv view and pretend that you’re not doing anything different…. this is your ONE time to drink out of the bottle or your opportunity to leave the glass on the ground and not put it in the dishwasher…. this is the couples chillaxing time….. CHIL-LAX-ING…. GOT IT????
So in this post I’m going to give you a few idea’s what to do and also what NOT to do and maybe share a funny sex story that definitely qualifies in the what NOT to do category…

Kay lets start with things that’s NOT allowed, this way hopefully we can end up on a positive note and get you both excited and ready for your first DATE NIGHT!!!!

– plan anything outside without thinking of the weather…
– preparation, preparation…..
– don’t think it will work once the kids are asleep (they like cyborgs they ALWAYS wake up at the wrong time)
– rather leave candle wax and ice cubes to the experts
– from personal experience if you decide to make use of a sensitizing erotic lube/spray make sure you read the label correctly and not use the toy cleansing spray..
100% pure alcohol spray burns seven living shits out of you…. πŸ™‚
– use the cuffs without keys (do not even ask)
– use satin/silk scarfs for bondage its difficult to explain to ur kids teacher why you have red marks on both wrists
– then the epic mistake please TEST hair removal products like they say on the labels (don’t use on genital areas)
– make sure all windows are closed (you don’t want a notice on your gate with a message “free porn”) btw I still don’t greet any of my neighbours
– when your wife maybe had too much wine during dinner and passes out when she hits the bed do not think to leave her to rest a bit and then in the middle of the
night try to suddenly wake her (serious injuries can occur)
– make absolutely sure your in laws is not planing a surprise visit (especially when they have keys to your house)
– with you and your partners weight the washing machine WILL NOT perform the rattles ans shakes you have in mind…. (major disappointment I know)

Ok so now that you have visuals about what NOT to do, here’s a few creative thoughts and ideas:
– stay at home movie & popcorn night ( guess the adds before the movie starts, garment needs to be removed for every wrong answer) and watch the rest of the movie
like that.
– strip poker & shooters
– naked cooking night (get each other sexy aprons and schedule naked cooking/baking evening
– take a glass jar and fill with ice cream sticks which have date ideas written on them, colour the sticks 3 colours (blue- cheap date idea, red – outing like movies
or dinner, and yellow- small things which doesn’t cost a thing) each date night take turns to pull one from the jar
– buy ice cream and watch the city lights or sundowners at a nice venue
– Game Night (unpack the PS or Wii and drink and play and laugh together)
– Wet and Wild (candles, bubblebath, champagne and massage each other afterwards)
– Ten pin bowling or Ice skating
– Go see a violin or pianist concert or poetry reading evening(something completely different)
– go to the driving range together (girls tie one of ur sexy gstrings to he’s “driver” without him seeing)
– Home Camp out: You don’t have to spend any money to create a romantic atmosphere. Built a blanket fort, add some twinkly lights and blankets. And, spend the
night exchanging love letters, talking and falling in love all over again.
– Make it Puzzling ~ Write your date night question onto any type of board and then cut it out into puzzle pieces. When your date finds it, they can put it together
and enjoy the surprise.
– Try riding a one-person bike together!
– Play tourists in your own city, Pick a place neither of you have been and spend the afternoon exploring it. Continue the touristy theme by dining at a local hotspot
or the cuisine your city is famous for.
– go to the courthouse to watch a trial – freelive Law & Order!
– serve dinner at a homeless shelter
– visit Showhomes or Open Houses (you can roleplay and pretend you just met make up ur own stories)
– go to a playground…swing, slide, climb, laugh
– go to a pub to play pool or darts
– visit a winery or brewery

OK dudes and diva’s go out there and make mommy proud!!!!

I would love your feedback…

mwah.. xxx

date night ideas

date night ideas

Diet…. See its such a complex and delicate topic that before even starting to share my thoughts with you ….I just have to do a quick pit stop in the kitchen and grab that packet of Lays chips calling for me. (No judging ok?) So yes they clearly indicate the amounts of kilojoules and calories and fat content per packet goodness they go on and on to milli fat percentages in the crumbs left in packet! But naaaaahhh they never list the good stuff? For instance: Goof Stuff about chips is how while you write and eat chips its been clinically proven on some bubblegum wrapper to enhance creativity and boost grammatical abilities almost instantly!(nom-nom) I reckon the most fatty fats only hit my butt the next day anyway? Fatties are mos slow….. And by then I’ve climbed the stairs twice anyway… See…?? I see the packet of chips “half-full”!!!
Ok Ok …. I know somewhere a gymbunny or nutritionist reading my blog is practically having some coronary attack (isn’t it ironic?), I would just like to advise everyone to not try this at home. This is my humble opinion which probably don’t mean anything to them.. or anyone…But it’s my blog and I’ll write what I want to!

So lets just get on the same page here….I’m not saying eat untill they have to lift you with a crane? But why feel punished everyday? Just knowing your on a diet is alone standing such a small word but it will make a grown man cry lemme tell you that! I mean from out of the blocks you hit a depro smack down in the middle… and then when you’re SOOOOO excited you go divide your broccli and chickens into tiny little ziplock bags. Then… yes THEN only do I even start to remotely try to get my ass off the couch from drooling over a perfectly episode of Vampire Diaries.. to go wobble my little dribbly bits right in front of a boy who could have easily been playing Damon in Vampire Diaries and probably the world’s sexiest MILF in her perfectly fitted designer fitness outfit, fully glamorous and not ONE drop of perspiration on her entire body!!! I mean WHAT THE &%#@!!!!!
How in the world will I WANT to do that to myself 5 days a week??? (yes 5 days, I have limits!).

Here we go I’m just gonna come out with it: (serious deep throat cleansing happening now…ghe-uhm)
Hi……….. my name is Jeanette (insert a friendly “Hi Jeanette” greeting here).. and I like to eat WHAT I want WHEN I want. I happen to want to eat broccoli! πŸ˜€ hehehe
I reckon BALANCE is the only word to really try (its late, I understand) to try to remember from this blog post..
B-A-L-A-N-C-E — BHA-BA-BLACK-SHEEP.. (Now I’ve lost you again right?) I’m trying to say I don’t sit still and watch my ass grow? There’s allot better things, and “fun” things you can do that won’t even feel like excercise….??? (evil grin) Please refer to my tjommie’s contact detailsdown below (pardon the pun) for awesome “weights” and “cardio-tools” for AWESOME workouts!!!! You can thank me later!

See I’m a Rep on the Road (huh I’m a poet and I don’t even know it?) πŸ˜€ Actually now that I think about it, that would make a great country song: “I’m a rep on the long and winding road” Yes just thank your lucky stars you’re not here to listen to me sing it …..So back to my day job, most of the day we’re hardly in one position longer than 30minutes (no not THOSE positions).
We walk,run,climb,beg,kneel (see there I go again) our way through the day… The tips of my heel’s don’t get to see the end of the week my friend!
I wonder how many steps we give in a day? 24 days, 9 hours a day……I mean take that stepmaster! Suck on that you sexy bloke on that bike in the little glass room that goes nowhere…. On top of that we could easily substitute as one of those taxi’s in Mozambique (no i WASN’T about to say OVERWEIGHT !! “tht”) I mean we’re like back and forth “o grieve Im honestly not doing this on purpose” hehehe from your office to the customer. You grab the laptop, handbag (as good as any weights) the coolbox with the 12 apples and 4 bottles iced water? Heavy as hell. Oh and then the customers files… Its crazy…it’s excersice camouflaged in a commission slip!!! How clever is that????

Yes so the excercise gets done someway ok? and I don’t see those options to choose from in the online vitality health review??? Oh nooooo I’m 69 years old according to them because I don’t go to the “Virgin” club…..

Then I’d also like to hereby solemnly swear that I will NEVER…EVER… substitute my Bigmac for a chicken salad !!!!
I WILL not substitute my glass of red wine for water !!!!! (I hear some strong supporters in the crowd) and
I WILL finally fall down on the couch after a crappy day and perv over Damon!
See I can read minds, I know you might wonder why??? Do you want to know why????? (gimme an air punch)
A glass of water does NOT make me happy or sexy (depending on what side of the glass you are) after the 3rd glass!!!
does it make me sleep like a little baby? NO water makes me pee right thru the night and after my 2litres per day I feel like a Willy Walter the Wobbly tank!!
Another thing: (I’m on a rollnow, not physicalyy rolling.. no :))
I do not feel healthier when I start exercising.. I feel like crap!! Sweaty,your legs wobble, you smell terrible and my entire face is blood-red!! Who started with that line?? Then the next day after an “amazing” workout yesterday the three sets of stairs I have to climb at work around 7 times a day is TORTURE on my already sore jello legs!
Sometime’s.. only SOMEtimes I will go for a run out in my not so lovely neighbourhood….only cause I know I HAVE to get back home…:D and then when I come back red-faced and on the verge of an asthma attack, yes then I do drink a whole bottle of cold water and not my usual glass of dry red wine…(Blah blah) Ok enough pep talk for one night…. for the under achievers I know its late and almost Friday so don’t worry this is a below average class and I’m just going to get on with it….
MAKE IT FUN, NAUGHTY, NICE, PROFITABLE EVEN… disguise the living shit out of it because if you don’t know it’s a DIET or EXCERCISE you can’t hate it!!!!!!!

Huh? huh? Not only a pretty face ne? I have a few extra brain cells lying around…. on the couch… perving…
Ok that’s all for now, class dismissed! If it’s quite alright with all of you I’ll go suck on lettuce leaf now ……

Ok Damon, you can stay behind for detention!

oh yes before I forget… drumroll…NOW FOR YOUR ONE STOP NAUGHTY BUT NICE VIRGIN EXCERCISE SHOP! Kindly Email Sam at or 084 885 3725.. and if you call NOW??????? πŸ˜€ For any and all sorts of exercise “tools” you require. You name it ! She’ll help you.. no no assist wherever she can.. agh bullocks… you can order anything from her! K?
(brochure to follow soon, she’s currently drinking in a bar ok?)

Pinkie Swear

Posted: December 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

I open this window and think “what should I blog about” people? I have so many stories to tell and I think what about the people that has nothing to tell??? So before I get emotional (its that time of the year ok?) Xmas always does this to me, shit shit! Anyway what I wanna say is: live your life so that you have stories to tell!! Only you can make your own!!

Ok this one: emmm let me see how many years back was this?? Please tell me I have the Maths wrong this time?? Ok let’s just say many moons ago? πŸ™‚ ha!

So many moons ago there were three!! Oh yes take me and add two! And THEY were definitely worst than me πŸ˜€ we even had a team name if you can call it that, and by the way this went down in our early adulthood not teens ! – Oh ok we referred to ourselves as the ….. wait for it: “Powerpuff Girls” yes! Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup! A blond, a brunette and a redhead and not in that order, sometimes it changed weekly.

Destination: Hatfield
Frequency: Mon-Sat
Goal: Ok to basically “hook-up” (let’s rather not get technical on terminology right?) with as many young men as possible! Their level of attractiveness off course lowered as our alcohol intake limit increased but it’s really not that important (hehehe).

Ok so the rule was PINKY SWEAR !! Ok according to wikipedia well mine at least definition is as follows: If any one of the Powerpuff girls gets to 1st base with a young man before we retire for the evening, the other two HAVE to achieve the same! During the same night, and off course one of the members should witness the event (this was where it got tricky see?) Now should you FAIL to do so you would get a terrible punishment!!

Punishment was: That the loser needs to at the next outing wear a non fashionable “frill-dress” out !! Ok so if you think about it, this attire will ultimately cause failure again and could be the start of a terrible array of ultimate disappointment and social disaster!! DISASTEROUS I tell u!

Ok so this one night!! We were all dressed up and since non of us had any success at “Dropzone” decided to head over to “Good for Fellas” this is where the kak started! See there was this very cute little young stud wearing a “Bugs” (alcoholic beverage back then) promotional t-shirt walking down the pavement heading opposite direction we were heading in other words heading towards us! With he’s minion friends tagging along a few meters behind him. To say he was mildly intoxicated would be an understatement!! So… as “Blossom” were walking in front she had this wicked idea to walk up dead straight to the guy say NOTHING and continue to kiss the living daylights out of him… Now this is typically a situation where upon you would have needed to act FAST !! So without even had discussed this “Buttercup” immediately carried on where “Blossom” had ended. Now please keep in mind that this guy is now thinking he had died and gone to heaven, and to top it off he’s whole group of friends were standing a few feet away to witness this event…. We gave the guy a second, ok maybe half a second and then wham-bam there goes “Bubbles” for the kill! Afterwards we just left him still shocked standing there without so much as even a smile and we walked away like “Charlie’s Angels”!

So the competition was ON and we were activated!!! The night was long and eventful and to top it off we met some Canadian rugby team, which really complicated things because back at “Hergunters”(yet another drinking establishment) they bought shooters by the dozens and bragged about the exchange rate counting in their favour!! Needless to say we got motherless and at about 4am I went to ask the cleaning lady to open up the doors since I was sure “Blossom” were passed out in their toilet!

I was right!!! And I managed to drag her out in the open and get a bouncer to watch over her as I went to call “Buttercup” to report as our lift home were on route and ETA was about 5 minutes.

I found “Buttercup” inside Dropzone gathering her things together and we were climbing down the steps, I still remeber spotting our lift next to the road in the corner of my eye! It all happened like the travelling bullets in the Matrix movie, I kid you not. And que… “Blossom” intimately tongue tied with the bouncer!(Barely able to stand on her feet!!) I turned around and realised that “Buttercup” has “latched on” to the boy carrying her jacket on our way down and I felt like the Vietnamese soldier being shot to ground on the battlefield….. I went down hard…..I felt my heart stopped!

I still can’t talk about the happenings of the next night out, and my therapist is still of the opinion that the trauma has left some serious sCars….

But the story is now told!!!

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Ok so I know I originally said that I’ll only write/blog when I’m inspired….. (yeah well that didn’t happen?) πŸ™‚ What I mean is, in the current rat race we call our life we hardly have any time or strength left at the end of the day for a minute of silence, a glass of red wine on the patio or just a second to pause. I mean I for one, has been inflicting the ” 8 ‘o clock go to bed rule” like a tyrant upon my 3 & 4 year old boys. If only they knew it wasn’t my motherly concern about their sleep but rather about MY 8’o clock curfew! I mean im dead at the end of the day, and when you get into bed you run through a million things in your mind that you havent had time for? Things like sticking to your 10 tweets a day target, replying all my mails,what’s for dinner, drop my shoe’s for new heels, phone my mother in law (ok ok you’re right that one usually slip my mind). I mean where the hell will I stumble on an inspired topic to blog about tonight!!

So that’s how I end up on a Friday night while lying on my bed (not too comfy to type like this I’ll tell you), listening to the rain suddenly have this brain wave (yes I do have a brain) to think about something to write about……

Since the best stories (well my bests) start with “this one time at band camp” I decided why the hell not?? Truth is I have some weird, exciting, funny, crazy, wild and hilarious stories to tell. I’ve had a rollercoaster life so far and can’t wait for what’s still to come….. and the things that happened to me only like happen in hollywood movies thus I’ve decided to share them with you.

Ok so hold on to your horses (serias who came up with this phrase, Desperado?) So you must have noticed that I’m not exactly scared to talk about sex πŸ™‚ One of my highschool mates wrote on my Facebook wall (I mean soooooo last year) and asked if I’m obsessed with sex? Well Marius since I am at least getting some action I’ll probably talk about it…. this ones for you!

Ok close your eyes and become the character (whooosaaaabaaaa). 3rd year Psychology student, already acquainted all the chickens who religiously attends ALL the classes and take spiderweb notes (in different colours, WITH post-its), in her 1st semester. Now if you did study at Tuks you’ll know that round about now it’s Tuks Jool going down together with the film festival in the auditorium, I mean who organised this and actually thought that students will have time for classes too??? Duhh…. The best part is that as soon as you recover from passing out in a co-student’s tent which you off course don’t know from a bar of soap during Jool at LC de Villiers, varsity hits back with final 1st semester exams right in your face!! Varsity 1, student 0.

So you rush to the last and only Psych lecture before writing exams. The lecturer off course single’s you out and mentioned that he’s sure this is a new face, and whilst doing you’re best Egoli acting to proof him wrong you and him both knows this is the first class you are actually bothering to attend. So after 2hours of daydream in the class he finally announce that there would be two additional tutor sessions held on Tuesday and Thursday evening at 7 ‘o clock to go through the work that would be covered in the exams. Bingo! this is what I’ve been waiting for, if you attend those two, Bobs you’re uncle and you’ll get through the exam.

Soooo don’t know about you but seven ‘o clock kinda equals beer ‘o clock, and since you’re last class ends at 4 ‘o clock you go sit and drink in the local pub untill 18:55 and then struts into the class last, smelling like your local brewery and an attitude of note proudly wearing youre smartypants.

The tutor was a lecturer from Wits helping out. Well helooooo teacher! Yummy, that Richard Gere thing working perfectly for him and finally I thank Tuks for giving back to the students at last! If you’re only like 7 people in a “moerse” auditorium the lecturer kinda pays special attention to you, don’t know why????? πŸ™‚ So on a very casual note we get to know one another and just chat for a bit. This is when the stud muffin Psych lecturer asks if anyone of us knows of a dancing school nearby since him and he’s wife wants to take some Ballroom classes. I mean not only was I blessed with a drop dead gorgeous teacher but he wants to dance and since I had been using my hard-earned money from teaching Ballroom and Latin American classes every night from 17:00 to 22:00 to pay for my education, I bluntly announced that I teach Ballroom and would gladly come out to give them a private lesson at their home (for double the price off course). Ok I assume the beers did wonders for my self-confidence at that time.
To cut to the chase we agreed that after Thursday’s class we’ll do the 1st lesson.

Ok so you do pay attention to what you wear on an occasion like this and I must say I cleaned up pretty well back then. Class started and I noticed that certain grins were either definitely being directed to me, or the empty chair behind me. I wasn’t sure but these grins held a certain “mysteriousness” (if that’s even a word) to them and it kinda did break my focus and caused all kind off chemical imbalances. After class I waited for everyone to leave and then calmly approached gorgeous Richard Gere for the plan of action. Since he wanted to pick up some chinese take-aways for us all he gave me the address to meet up with he’s already awaiting wife and said he’ll see us soon.

Finally stopped in front of the gates of a three-story mansion and drove up the driveway straight into the garage where a gorgeous short athletic blond were awaiting me. Big blue eyes you can swim in with feisty spiky blond short hair and a warm enough smile to melt the polar icecaps, or maybe that was just me. First things first we got some wine and started going through the CD collection to see what songs we can use to practice on, and I’ve never been soo comfortable in what could have been a very uncomfortable situation. We chatted like old friends, and joked around and it was when lying on the ground laughing I suddenly felt her fingers slowly coming up my thigh and started caressing every part of my body, and then we kissed….. it was amazing being with someone sharing the same emotions and desires, a female counterpart who knew exactly what to do and when. After about an hour Sir Richard appeared and didn’t exactly wait for an invite to join us. After hours of pure pleasure and passion I had my first picture perfect threesome, NEVER to be forgotten!!

Huh? Huh I told you ? BTW I soooo nailed (pardon the pun) that exam !!!

Me, Myself & I

Posted: September 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s that time again… No im not having my period or getting laid although the latter will be appreciated as always! πŸ˜‰

Alone time! Escape time! Think time, Laugh time, Silly time just to spend time with myself enjoying it and being the crazy person I can be! Weird you think, right?

Is it? I mean I am my own best friend, no one knows me beter than me? And it calms me to spend time with only my thoughts, ok ok more like sorting those crazy be-atch ones into an organised mess rather! πŸ™‚ The thing is in life
different things can stress you up and there’s various de-stress methods that works for different people, and you have to find your own remedy, and to get away alone is the one that works for me!

Now the other thing.. I mean not allot of people get this about me? Trust you me, someone will read this, maybe even like some chick I attended school with and haven’t seen her in ages. For instance she’ll read this and will comment with replies like “so you don’t like spending time with me anymore?” I mean really! Thats not what I said!

Ok so who’s with me? I just wanna know is there someone out there to which all this seem normal?

Or am i really a psycho chick?? πŸ™‚

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Ok so if you guys can recall I said a while ago that I’ll only write/blog when Im “inspired” to do so…and what I am about to say now may affend some sensitive readers and some girls still living in denial.(If you fall into any of these categories, please go make some tea and water the plants rather). Now, this little piggy woke up this morning and shared a remarkable similarity often present in the male species, I almost wanna say life altering experience people? Ok and No I didn’t wake up and fart (and with fart I mean more like refilling the gas chamber untill your partner has no other choice but to leave the room) and then still charmingly continued to scratch my balls and patt my penis for good behaviour….. Nooooooooo for a brief second (second that felt like a lifetime) I woke up (yes, I openend my eyes and thought immediately about SEX!) Not flowers, and candles that led toward sex, oh no, a one track channel hacking into a morning porn server…. I MEAN REALLY????

At first its overwhelming and confusing, you feel drunk…. and after you ruled out the possibilities for causing this strange sensation you keep on comming back to the porn! I had my first cup of coffee with the hopes that coffee will be bad for sexual frustration but NOOOOOO, nothings gonna get through this sucker! Then in the hallway you slid past your partner, at this stage looking as hidious as ever with his hands in he’s pants hardly focussing while mumbling something about you stealing he’s pillow…. and whoossshhh Nothing! In my mind I heard him saying i look raveshing and the deep sleepy look turned into a sexy tiger like ppuurrrrrrrr…… I felt drugged …..

But the more I tried to fight it, the worst it got… I tried to focus on catholic school boys (huge mistake) and started reciting the life cycle of the lipidoptera, but it was like a dark force consuming my thoughts….

Im sure the boys will agree….. that usually on this day…. your partner would be in the least possible mood to tolerate this dark lust intentions…… its like they have woken up on a different planet… and ooohhh dont even try to mention this feelings, it has devastating after effects…. you”ll get eaten alive! First you get the “look” the WTF “look” that is; and then in a remarkable 2 seconds there-after they switch on the polar caps and hit you with an icy cold “go fuck yourself”…..

Im a Venus inhibitor….. and this morning I woke up in flippen Mars!!!

From there everything goes south….. sour….. ok it went a little bitchy as well and all because I didn’t get sex… Like a kid wanting candy I blew up my cheecks and deliberately caused kak all around…. even strange unfamiliar people suffered throughout the day, standing next to me with that “I got it all this morning smirks” gghhmmppfff!!! Get out of my way!!!

I must say after this experience a SUDDEN HUGE FEELING OF REMORSE DOWNED UPON ME…. my heart started aching at the thought of knowing that atleast 60% of all males wakes up like this EVERY MORNING!!! BOYS….Im so sorry !!! It must be a living hell…. and after a day like this I completely give you permission to stare at my boobs rather than looking in my eyes…. your welcome to slap my ass and Im starting a porn magazine collection in the coffee lounge at work from next week on…..

Girls lets spare a minute and bow our heads in respect….. lets try and be a bit more supportive…For starters if you see that look in their eyes? Dont come walking past in your sexiest lingerie? COVER UP! Go dress in the kids room if you must! Trust me when I say; you DONT want to be in their position daily… I was THIS close to insanity… It took an extreme shopping spree and a quick “eat,pray,love” session to get myself back to normal again…..

Sho! hectic man…… MEN? I feel your pain…..My only advice to all you out there would be…. make the effort, do the wine and dine and gifts man…. and get laid….

πŸ˜€ good luck