I had one of those restless nights and went down to make a cup of tea (yes for yourself it’s not as if the Fairy-God mother owes you anything?) You’ve successfully single-handed managed a full corporate day, kids activities done, fed your family,kids to bed, attended to dads needs and long last got yourself to bed… Oh no Cinderella the fun isn’t over yet… Now you wait timeously for the 2 or 3 occurrences where you have to jump out of bed to re-assure and tuck the little ones back to bed.

Its my 3rd time down the stairs and I pull the blankets back over the boys when I notice the two journals on the bookshelf. It’s the diaries I kept for both the boys during the whole 9 months of my pregnancy with each of them (wait for it.) A year apart. I open my first born’s journal 1st and start reading…. 1st the excitement, the spreading of the news, the dread full announcement to your Boss, the million different advises and quick cures for a million things that could go wrong, the downs tests, the exhilarating appointment at the gynie announcing the baby’s sex. Then follow the names, family drama about the names and thereafter mostly family drama about everything. In between you also deliberately mention the fathers lack of let’s say EVERYTHING? 😉

As time passes the entries are shorter, more in debt explanations of the degree of back pain and muscles aches you or nobody for that matter even knew existed!

After that you’ll mostly find 4 sentences begging this unborn child to lock open the door in step the f@ck out!! – this carry on for a while and some of these pages gets torn out later.

Ooohhh then comes the sunday drives on gravel roads, drinking of god forbidden oils and teas. Jacuzzi’s and anything you’ve ever heard about inducing labour. The sweet loving wife you’ve met 4yrs ago disappear into thin air and your left with an angry vessel with a wicked mission to deliver the parcel….NOW!!

Then FINALLY….All hell breaks loose, your stuck in 5 o clock traffic to the hospital, the nurse (who delivered 7000 babies and thinks she’s your doctor) tells you the foooking death cramps you’re having is NOT labour and you’re not even close to pushing. Then she thinks its best NOT give you painkillers since this makes the baby lazy (how do like them apples) after you’ve broken every bone or finger in your husband’s hand he convince her to give you gas… gas bottle??? empty!!!!! ok so let’s go for an intravenous painkiller and all of a f@ck you don’t have ANY veins in your body they can get a needle into….. If ever a miracle happens it’s then….. you see your doctor, you hug and kiss him and start to cry like a baby yourself!!! You recite parts of the bible you haven’t even seen in your life! Followed by some swear words .. Big ugly srceamy ones!!

Ok so I deliberately skipped a few entries and then quickly opened on he last page… Ahhhhhh neat concise handwriting smiling all over the page explaining the magical birth of a child…you read the part where you touch and hold that precious gift in your arms and you never wanna let go… Something happens there that only a mom can feel… And there and then u feel it, and its so special you feel your heart warming up and fill all the space in your chest… I close the book, sit on the bed next to these precious gifts from God, and I cry and cry and cry….. Cause its magic…….

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Posted: June 19, 2012 in happy, kids, love, relationships, women
Tags: ,

K so don’t even ask me what year it was….. All I know is that we had tight butts,perky boobs and our bodies had the remarkable capability to function solely (and very effectively really) on first a HEAVY and then a steady then heavy and again steady supply of……. (drumroll) alcohol!!! YES YES YES

SO HOW DID WE DO IT? I promise you the best micro biologists (or whatever they call themselves) in the world is still daily working very hard to understand the physiological dynamics of a student. We hardly ate anything decent…. didn’t get ANY sleep (do I need to elaborate?), partied till the sun came up in a very much polluted and smoke congested club where there is hardly any space to move, but we danced baby!!! Oh yes we did (at least we exercised right?). All of this whilst consuming any form of liquid sure to have you forget you’re name, sshllurrrr when you tried to communicate, fall around and occasionally end up passed out it a toilet cubicle….. Did that stop us????? Oh noooo….. nooooo nooooo. Nope the next night you’ll repeat the exact same routine with even more vigour and enthusiasm and maybe even except drinks from strangers.

You’d spend an entire holiday with a group of friends (strangers you met at the tattoo parlour) and maybe if you’re lucky remember their names when you return from holiday, although it’s a very slim chance. I remember one year we actually camped, yes in tents! Till this day I’m proud to announce that putting up that tent in my condition at that time is to this day one of my biggest accomplishments…. (you really had to be there to get it). Although the tent didn’t quite make it to the end… see on new years eve,midday,morning.. ok im not sure what time I miraculously made it back to my tent… (students get a free body gps unit implanted on the day you enroll at Varsity) HOWEVER… I did not succeed in waking up when someone broke into my freekin tent… no they didn’t use the front zip, they completely cut opened the whole side canvas (I kid you not) and stole a whole bunch of my very personal belongings… If some weren’t valuable I really wouldn’t have reported it to the police station on new years day with a huge headache, babbelas and repeated little vomits in my mouth whilst sitting next to one of 30 other victims all resembling my beautiful state of health identically… The real embarrassment only effectively sunk in, when the Officer on duty called my name out loud …very loud and announced that some of my belongings were found…. I went .. “please let it be my Oakleys” and he went “one medium-sized pink g-string with slogan reading; Find the little mouse house”…… Needles to say I had to walk to the front and collect my belonging in front of everyone… Including the very cute boy I passed out with the previous Wednesday…. Dane was it? No Dan or Drake… nope can’t remember!

I didn’t only loose stuff during Margate holidays ok? I was a rather innovative young entrepreneur if I might add. Let me explain:
Everyone knows the rules for news years eve…on Margate…
You wake up on the 31st, gulp down a Bloody-Mary or the mix of drinks in a cup left from last night, fix the black mascarra rings around your eyes, put on a new bikini, pack (oh sorry you didn’t really have anything to pack) and off to the beach as early as possible to A- dig your own mother of a hole in the sand or B-Paid someone to do it for you… Because if the rest of your buddies eventually make their way to the beach you’ll start the party in a freekin deep hole on Margate Beach…. (see how important social skills deveopment in the sandbox during pre-school years becomes)
You’re probably wondering where the entrepreneurial skills came in? Well well this is how I roll.
I weren’t exactly shy back then, so me and my sis had this brainwave (taking in consideration that most braincells were killed by then) invented the MARGATE BEACHFRONT TOLLGATE SYSTEM! Yes people! Two drunk students invented the TOLL SYSTEM…Taraaaaa!!!! How it worked….. You had to pay us, if you wanted to cross over to another hole… Ok I’ll come clean, at first it were a very profitable upcomming ENTERPRISE, then we started accepting “items” as payment which really also worked for me (collected a vast array of expensive sunglasses and Billabong gear). Then it kinda went downhill… the real liquidation (pardon the pun) of the company only happened when we started to accept kisses in order for the guys to pass through……. Sho! Best kissing booth eva!!! A clear example of how alcohol effects brain function as well as impaired vision) At least the income generated from Tollfee’s in our 1st financial quarter (that would be from 9am-11am on the 31st of Dec) went towards emmmm 25 “R5” McDonald burgers which lasted approximately 3 days… So it basically kept the company alive… hehehe

Then the time came, the countdown…… everyone frantically rushing around to stand next to who-ever ……. we all honored our Gr1 teacher by counting back from 10 to 1 (I have come across a many drunken student struggling with this part), we kiss.. we hug…. we cry… we promise to always keep in touch (NEVER HAPPENED) and then we all chained in, started swinging from left to right and sang:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?

Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

OH SO THIS IS THE REAL LYRICS???? See? You’re never to old to learn… Still a student at heart! 😀 Just with more WORK EXPERIENCE! hehehe

K so I let’s share most embarrassing moments shall we? Hence all the crazy voices living together in my mind its easy to assume that professionally (this will be ironic when you read the rest of my post) I’m employed as a highly motivated Sales Rep or as my company refer to me a ” Key Accounts Executive”! Sounds imported hey?? (I mean ImporTANT)…

Anyhow… One day long long ago when I still had my dignity left… I drove out to the remote area of “farmville” otherwise known as Rustenburg for a meeting! Luckily not visiting a farmer although I’m sure that would have been easier! The company I represent… let’s just say we have a glorious friendly smile reputation and our uniform enhance our best features even in the worst days ever.. ( ok get hooters out of your mind… However they do play a small part in this story) anyway think professional smart sophisticated exeterraaaaa people!!

The meeting is also with a rather large proportional business in the district and I was rather nervous since I only recently started with the company and so desperately needed my big “break”…. So I have my power undies on,steel frame glasses resting on my nose, did the whole breathalyzer test,new lipstick, splash of Eau de perfume, and whallah… ready to go make millions…..Now people this isn’t it ok?No no no a sales rep do much more than this to prepare my friends….. I mean even before this like I said the previous night you’ve already laid out the sexy power lingerie, it is off course a non party night cause you can’t effort baggy eyes and beer burps???? It’s early to bed, its a morning run to get the blood flow pumping, its fresh teeth (I know this is a given everyday but still worth mentioning), its listening to your motivational prep talk before you leave the office… In this case it was listening to my favourite “langpad treffers” all the way to Rustenburg its psychological warfare its hostile takeover kind off shit ok???? Do you read me????
(So the next time a rep come visit you, I surely hope you’ve considered the above mentioned ritual and at least appreciates the effort)

Ok so finally we’re ready and all systems GO! First mission to make the “break-thru” with the PA… the horrible, company controlling firewall!!!! I mean if I’ve tried to give her a bigger smile it would have probably went right around my face!!! You need to find the pictures of her kids and get right in there with the small talk and soccer mom shit… It’s about noticing the little dolphin on top of her BIC pen and immediately talk about your swimming with the dolphin’s life changing experience… have you actually swam with the dolphins??? who cares??? You gotta become her best friend in like minus 2 seconds!!!!! This is a deal breaker and I did gr8! I was practically invited to her son’s science fare for god sake…. So in I go… No no no no not in the Boss’s office, the boardroom…….

I get chills just thinking about it….. Those long hard..cold boardroom tables….. squeaky chairs……. aerial pictures of the company building… the silver plaque on the wall ” family enterprise since 1948″….. no one to speak to, nothing….just the cold harshness of that boardroom. A boardroom can destroy the best sales rep out there let me tell you that! The only thing the power undies helps for there is… probably the durability I’d say……. So in my case I try to conquer the brutal coldness of the boardroom, I shift my papers nicely together, I swallow my gum and clear my throat…. I lift my skirt and just re-align the stockings (don’t ask questions), I tuck in my shirt, I went straight in there to the twins and lifted them up sisters!!! and that is when it happened………… just there I made the biggest mistake of my life…….. that moment there is the moment I’ll remember for the rest of my sales repping LIFE!!!………..

The PA…my friend…. quickly pops in to give me the a last thumbs up and a hug and tell me, the Boss is ready for me. He will see me in he’s office….. A huge relief falls over me cause at least I don’t have the cold impersonal brutality of the boardroom to content with anymore….. I follow her down the corridor, she opens a big wooden door leading me into the MD’s office, where he is situated right behind he’s desk accompanied by the Financial Director and the Ops manager to whom I’m soon to be introduced and the warmth of their smiles and their pleased attitude’s amuse me from the word go…. and that’s when I saw it…

a huge HD monitor sub-divided into squares, each showing the live feed pictures of the different camera’s installed in each room of the company….I immediately recognise the first square……. THE F#@KING BOARDROOM!!!!!!!

yes …. they sat around that table and saw how I re-aligned my pantyhose, how I moved my hooters into their underwired bra to promote optimum visibility, how I tested my breath against my hand and quickly exercised my firm handshake and greeting to follow…..

I feel the heat flushing my face……..

all in all – I MADE THE SALE I LANDED  THE ACCOUNT……

Ok so if it’s at all possible that yours are actually worst than mine???? Please share with us……I’d certainly LOVE to hear about it…..

Damsel in Distress??

Let’s just say; I’m not your average Damsel!

The word “damsel” derives from the French demoiselle, meaning “young lady”, and the term “damsel in distress” in turn is a translation of the French demoiselle en détresse. It is an archaic term not used in modern English except for effect or in expressions such as this, which can be traced back to the knight errant of Medieval songs and tales, who regarded the saving of such women as an essential part of his raison d’être. – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damsel_in_distress
Ok so by now you must have surely realized that I’m not average. I don’t know how to describe myself correctly, but at least I can honestly say that I’m definitely NOT average. From the age of 14, I shared a home with 8 male Engineering students. See the Mechanical Engineers mainly consisted of drunken, greasy, ponytailed metal-heads on a constant high, devoting any extra time available to grasp the cords on the electric guitar hopelessly failing to play ACDC’s “Thunder”! The electrical or civil engineers did the cargo pants with check shirts and a neatly divided “middelpaadjie”. Their moms sent baked goodies to them each month and their rooms were disturbingly tidy! Basically you can assume from this household environment that I had a vast variety of role models to learn from. I could take the best and worst attributes and apply it to my own life. I exchanged school dances with Varisty Rag, my curfew went from 22:00 to 02:00 o clock. Kissing boys on school terrain ( I won’t lie this still happened) changed to pretending I’m a law student at a house party. I can carry on and on with the list but I’m sure the point were carried across. The agreement between my mom and the students VERY clearly and on the front page indicated that at NO stage is fraternizing with her daughters allowed. Let’s just say I applied the “rules are made to be broken” philosophy in a rather frequent manner! The students soon taught me how to burp in public and my abilities in that department exceeded all expectations especially when once I’ve burped the next-door neighbor’s dogs started to bark aggressively. This skill did come very handy when I had to initiate a quick distraction of some kind. Basically I had the time of my life!!! The burping actually reminds me of an incident in my Matric year. See I usually bunked home economics for the Technical Drawing class, which primarily consisted of only boys. On this particular day the teacher allowed them to watch an international cricket match between SA and Australia on the one condition that they remain silent and with no funny pranks or wise cracks from anyone. With me off course the only girl around. We were all busy consuming our purchases from the school kiosk and mine included a can of cola. Now see my emmmm gas level capacity increased a bit too quick and I had to let out some. It was louder than I anticipated thus I brought the whole class to a dead silence for about 2 minutes. Everybody stopped and searched the classroom to identify the boy brave enough to challenge Mr. Smith’s promise. I would guess that at least 4 boys knew it was me, but they didn’t make a sound. After what felt like an eternity Mr. Smith asked us who it was.
I wasn’t about to confess? Imagine how humiliated the guys would be? Like any underpaid teacher the pure joy of taking revenge and proving to the department of education the positive impact a conveyor belt banging across the buttocks of 20 young boys can have on class moral, they each got 3 lashings. Three lashings each, across of those I saw were very attractive rear-ends if I may say so. Off course I walked out of there unharmed and had to listen to a speech on “how to behave in front of girls” Mr Smith so passionately delivered just before the bell rang. After class Peter and gang did however mention to me that they would think up an appropriate punishment for me to settle at a later stage. The other boys who heard later weren’t too impressed with me either, but in a dead poet’s society kind of way I did earn respect amongst them. Also little did I know that my punishment later the year was to ask the headmaster (yes yes the biggest numb-nut known to humanity) to dance at our Matric dance. I am still slightly disturbed and mentally damaged from that experience but my therapist has made fast improvements thus far.

Ok so back to life in the Fraternity House. When the time arrived that I attend varsity I was already initiated and operated like a well oiled party machine! I actually want to share a certain incident with you which went down round about my 3rd or 4th year in varsity (accuracy on timing not guaranteed). I say incident because when you’re a student living life in the fast lane you tend to completely lose the best part of your better judgment. So party nights were now extended from Monday – Saturday every night with a clock in card around 4am each morning. In recent times in my life I often ponder about this miraculous ability to party non-stop, I cannot for the love of it figure out where we got the energy from back then? Ok ok I actually do know, but certain things are best left unsaid *evil grin*.
So one Friday night in Hatfield (confessions of the Hatfield harem) we met up with an international visiting rugby team (I signed a confidentially clause ok?). After many a shooters and the cross exchange of saliva we had to remove the international claws from ourselves and call a taxi for the blokes to take them back to the hotel they were staying at. Due to our southern hospitality we were invited to the lobby lounge of the International Hotel at OR Tambo to have farewell drinks with the boys before their flight departs the next morning early. We really thought this would be a small gathering and to our astonishment turn out to be a formal team event with coaches and team managers and IRB officials. I was completely gob-smacked and reckoned I have met yet another “love of my life” (for the record this is a regular occurrence displayed numerously with girls between the ages 20 – 24) and that I’d become the next rugby-housewife and immigrate, all planned out. Well loverboy reckoned we should go somewhere more “private” to say our farewell’s which I was as eager to do. Up in he’s room, a scene pretty much similar to those in the “Mills & Boons” stories played out and we we’re rather hot and bothered. But wait there’s more: At that stage there were a knock at the door. Loverboy went to open the door and whallah Mr. Team Coach were standing there himself. At first I thought we were in trouble and that I’m gonna get a speech on how these activities influence player potential blah blah but instead what Mr Coach requested was rather weird and slightly disturbing. Ok so we’re talking about me here, meaning that “slightly disturbing” sounded rather exciting to me and if it weren’t for the gentle mannerism in which he kindly requested my permission I would have been outa there in a second or…possibly in huge trouble…. Instead we all signed a confidentiality clause and me and loverboy proceeded with our devious acts while the Head Coach of an international rugby team kept a close eye on the ball and made sure that no hands were used in the ruck!! *wink*
Definition of a ruck and maul?
A ruck is where a player has been tackled and has been gone to ground after both opposition and their own players have joined and created a ruck. The hands must NOT be used in a ruck after it has been formed.
Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_a_rugby_ruck_and_maul#ixzz1jZIikgt1

Pinkie Swear

Posted: December 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

I open this window and think “what should I blog about” people? I have so many stories to tell and I think what about the people that has nothing to tell??? So before I get emotional (its that time of the year ok?) Xmas always does this to me, shit shit! Anyway what I wanna say is: live your life so that you have stories to tell!! Only you can make your own!!

Ok this one: emmm let me see how many years back was this?? Please tell me I have the Maths wrong this time?? Ok let’s just say many moons ago? 🙂 ha!

So many moons ago there were three!! Oh yes take me and add two! And THEY were definitely worst than me 😀 we even had a team name if you can call it that, and by the way this went down in our early adulthood not teens ! – Oh ok we referred to ourselves as the ….. wait for it: “Powerpuff Girls” yes! Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup! A blond, a brunette and a redhead and not in that order, sometimes it changed weekly.

Destination: Hatfield
Frequency: Mon-Sat
Goal: Ok to basically “hook-up” (let’s rather not get technical on terminology right?) with as many young men as possible! Their level of attractiveness off course lowered as our alcohol intake limit increased but it’s really not that important (hehehe).

Ok so the rule was PINKY SWEAR !! Ok according to wikipedia well mine at least definition is as follows: If any one of the Powerpuff girls gets to 1st base with a young man before we retire for the evening, the other two HAVE to achieve the same! During the same night, and off course one of the members should witness the event (this was where it got tricky see?) Now should you FAIL to do so you would get a terrible punishment!!

Punishment was: That the loser needs to at the next outing wear a non fashionable “frill-dress” out !! Ok so if you think about it, this attire will ultimately cause failure again and could be the start of a terrible array of ultimate disappointment and social disaster!! DISASTEROUS I tell u!

Ok so this one night!! We were all dressed up and since non of us had any success at “Dropzone” decided to head over to “Good for Fellas” this is where the kak started! See there was this very cute little young stud wearing a “Bugs” (alcoholic beverage back then) promotional t-shirt walking down the pavement heading opposite direction we were heading in other words heading towards us! With he’s minion friends tagging along a few meters behind him. To say he was mildly intoxicated would be an understatement!! So… as “Blossom” were walking in front she had this wicked idea to walk up dead straight to the guy say NOTHING and continue to kiss the living daylights out of him… Now this is typically a situation where upon you would have needed to act FAST !! So without even had discussed this “Buttercup” immediately carried on where “Blossom” had ended. Now please keep in mind that this guy is now thinking he had died and gone to heaven, and to top it off he’s whole group of friends were standing a few feet away to witness this event…. We gave the guy a second, ok maybe half a second and then wham-bam there goes “Bubbles” for the kill! Afterwards we just left him still shocked standing there without so much as even a smile and we walked away like “Charlie’s Angels”!

So the competition was ON and we were activated!!! The night was long and eventful and to top it off we met some Canadian rugby team, which really complicated things because back at “Hergunters”(yet another drinking establishment) they bought shooters by the dozens and bragged about the exchange rate counting in their favour!! Needless to say we got motherless and at about 4am I went to ask the cleaning lady to open up the doors since I was sure “Blossom” were passed out in their toilet!

I was right!!! And I managed to drag her out in the open and get a bouncer to watch over her as I went to call “Buttercup” to report as our lift home were on route and ETA was about 5 minutes.

I found “Buttercup” inside Dropzone gathering her things together and we were climbing down the steps, I still remeber spotting our lift next to the road in the corner of my eye! It all happened like the travelling bullets in the Matrix movie, I kid you not. And que… “Blossom” intimately tongue tied with the bouncer!(Barely able to stand on her feet!!) I turned around and realised that “Buttercup” has “latched on” to the boy carrying her jacket on our way down and I felt like the Vietnamese soldier being shot to ground on the battlefield….. I went down hard…..I felt my heart stopped!

I still can’t talk about the happenings of the next night out, and my therapist is still of the opinion that the trauma has left some serious sCars….

But the story is now told!!!
😀

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Ok so I know I originally said that I’ll only write/blog when I’m inspired….. (yeah well that didn’t happen?) 🙂 What I mean is, in the current rat race we call our life we hardly have any time or strength left at the end of the day for a minute of silence, a glass of red wine on the patio or just a second to pause. I mean I for one, has been inflicting the ” 8 ‘o clock go to bed rule” like a tyrant upon my 3 & 4 year old boys. If only they knew it wasn’t my motherly concern about their sleep but rather about MY 8’o clock curfew! I mean im dead at the end of the day, and when you get into bed you run through a million things in your mind that you havent had time for? Things like sticking to your 10 tweets a day target, replying all my mails,what’s for dinner, drop my shoe’s for new heels, phone my mother in law (ok ok you’re right that one usually slip my mind). I mean where the hell will I stumble on an inspired topic to blog about tonight!!

So that’s how I end up on a Friday night while lying on my bed (not too comfy to type like this I’ll tell you), listening to the rain suddenly have this brain wave (yes I do have a brain) to think about something to write about……

Since the best stories (well my bests) start with “this one time at band camp” I decided why the hell not?? Truth is I have some weird, exciting, funny, crazy, wild and hilarious stories to tell. I’ve had a rollercoaster life so far and can’t wait for what’s still to come….. and the things that happened to me only like happen in hollywood movies thus I’ve decided to share them with you.

Ok so hold on to your horses (serias who came up with this phrase, Desperado?) So you must have noticed that I’m not exactly scared to talk about sex 🙂 One of my highschool mates wrote on my Facebook wall (I mean soooooo last year) and asked if I’m obsessed with sex? Well Marius since I am at least getting some action I’ll probably talk about it…. this ones for you!

Ok close your eyes and become the character (whooosaaaabaaaa). 3rd year Psychology student, already acquainted all the chickens who religiously attends ALL the classes and take spiderweb notes (in different colours, WITH post-its), in her 1st semester. Now if you did study at Tuks you’ll know that round about now it’s Tuks Jool going down together with the film festival in the auditorium, I mean who organised this and actually thought that students will have time for classes too??? Duhh…. The best part is that as soon as you recover from passing out in a co-student’s tent which you off course don’t know from a bar of soap during Jool at LC de Villiers, varsity hits back with final 1st semester exams right in your face!! Varsity 1, student 0.

So you rush to the last and only Psych lecture before writing exams. The lecturer off course single’s you out and mentioned that he’s sure this is a new face, and whilst doing you’re best Egoli acting to proof him wrong you and him both knows this is the first class you are actually bothering to attend. So after 2hours of daydream in the class he finally announce that there would be two additional tutor sessions held on Tuesday and Thursday evening at 7 ‘o clock to go through the work that would be covered in the exams. Bingo! this is what I’ve been waiting for, if you attend those two, Bobs you’re uncle and you’ll get through the exam.

Soooo don’t know about you but seven ‘o clock kinda equals beer ‘o clock, and since you’re last class ends at 4 ‘o clock you go sit and drink in the local pub untill 18:55 and then struts into the class last, smelling like your local brewery and an attitude of note proudly wearing youre smartypants.

The tutor was a lecturer from Wits helping out. Well helooooo teacher! Yummy, that Richard Gere thing working perfectly for him and finally I thank Tuks for giving back to the students at last! If you’re only like 7 people in a “moerse” auditorium the lecturer kinda pays special attention to you, don’t know why????? 🙂 So on a very casual note we get to know one another and just chat for a bit. This is when the stud muffin Psych lecturer asks if anyone of us knows of a dancing school nearby since him and he’s wife wants to take some Ballroom classes. I mean not only was I blessed with a drop dead gorgeous teacher but he wants to dance and since I had been using my hard-earned money from teaching Ballroom and Latin American classes every night from 17:00 to 22:00 to pay for my education, I bluntly announced that I teach Ballroom and would gladly come out to give them a private lesson at their home (for double the price off course). Ok I assume the beers did wonders for my self-confidence at that time.
To cut to the chase we agreed that after Thursday’s class we’ll do the 1st lesson.

Ok so you do pay attention to what you wear on an occasion like this and I must say I cleaned up pretty well back then. Class started and I noticed that certain grins were either definitely being directed to me, or the empty chair behind me. I wasn’t sure but these grins held a certain “mysteriousness” (if that’s even a word) to them and it kinda did break my focus and caused all kind off chemical imbalances. After class I waited for everyone to leave and then calmly approached gorgeous Richard Gere for the plan of action. Since he wanted to pick up some chinese take-aways for us all he gave me the address to meet up with he’s already awaiting wife and said he’ll see us soon.

Finally stopped in front of the gates of a three-story mansion and drove up the driveway straight into the garage where a gorgeous short athletic blond were awaiting me. Big blue eyes you can swim in with feisty spiky blond short hair and a warm enough smile to melt the polar icecaps, or maybe that was just me. First things first we got some wine and started going through the CD collection to see what songs we can use to practice on, and I’ve never been soo comfortable in what could have been a very uncomfortable situation. We chatted like old friends, and joked around and it was when lying on the ground laughing I suddenly felt her fingers slowly coming up my thigh and started caressing every part of my body, and then we kissed….. it was amazing being with someone sharing the same emotions and desires, a female counterpart who knew exactly what to do and when. After about an hour Sir Richard appeared and didn’t exactly wait for an invite to join us. After hours of pure pleasure and passion I had my first picture perfect threesome, NEVER to be forgotten!!

Huh? Huh I told you ? BTW I soooo nailed (pardon the pun) that exam !!!

to write or not to write

Posted: October 8, 2011 in funny, love, men, psychology, women

First you start off with a Fancy phone, 1st thing you install is facebook and off course if your under 18 its mxit. You start with sharing a few jokes with your fb friends and poke someone here and there…soon it becomes boring and you hear the new buzzword “twitter” you get one of ur friends to show it to you and before you know you have 500 followers and facebook is suddenly soooooo last year. Bottom line is you are sharing much more info about yourself to strangers than ever before.

These friends and followers begin to respect you and you become a vital part of their day. They then depend on you to make them laugh or brighten up their day.

So like a drug you obviously want more and you start thinking about beginning your own blog ( hopefully more intellectual one than my attemp I hope?) But before you know it your actually writing (not that ur any good so relax) but as with life we’re continuously striving towards growth which brings me to the next question… What do I want to write about?? And this is where I need you’re help… Please indicate which of the following topics will interest you? All financial,scientific and numeric professionals pls don’t even bother to vote 😀

A – biography of trust me one fucking crazy life
B – short romance story
C – a piece on adapting personalities
D – sexual stories
E – sci-fi fiction

Please I need your feedback – pls send this to all ur friends to help me decide. And leave a comment? A,B,C,D,E

To write??

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Me, Myself & I

Posted: September 27, 2011 in Uncategorized

It’s that time again… No im not having my period or getting laid although the latter will be appreciated as always! 😉

Alone time! Escape time! Think time, Laugh time, Silly time just to spend time with myself enjoying it and being the crazy person I can be! Weird you think, right?

Is it? I mean I am my own best friend, no one knows me beter than me? And it calms me to spend time with only my thoughts, ok ok more like sorting those crazy be-atch ones into an organised mess rather! 🙂 The thing is in life
different things can stress you up and there’s various de-stress methods that works for different people, and you have to find your own remedy, and to get away alone is the one that works for me!

Now the other thing.. I mean not allot of people get this about me? Trust you me, someone will read this, maybe even like some chick I attended school with and haven’t seen her in ages. For instance she’ll read this and will comment with replies like “so you don’t like spending time with me anymore?” I mean really! Thats not what I said!

Ok so who’s with me? I just wanna know is there someone out there to which all this seem normal?

Or am i really a psycho chick?? 🙂

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Ok so im curious…. I know, its a very scary thought to have me on the loose… curious and all (hehehe)

But its all really the RWC’s fault…. Se-Ri-As!!! I mean, besides drooling at the boys in they’re wet shirts and muscled bodies (1st secret reveilled: we dont watch the game, we look at the stunning men) 🙂 anyway in between this I managed to hear the very famous number calling in the Line Out….. which got me curious…. Are their some secret code or unspoken tradition that gives meaning to the numbers??? For Instance 3 – 8 – 1 (is actually the number of times the guys scored this month) or the combination to he’s minnibar in the Hotel… oeh oeh or the room number in the hotel where the sexy chick will be waiting????

huh…. huh….? I mean don’t you ever wonder about these things? I sometimes wonder about when big mates phone each other and immediately asks “drinks at Ben’s House tonight?” not “Hi, how are you, warra warra” an immediate “drinks at Ben’s House tonight?”…. so maybe that is like the code sentence for telling everyone to be at Teaser’s tonight at 8??? I don’t know…

Common now, stay anonymous if you like, but please help me out here! If you know about anything similar….. speak now or forever hold your peace…..

Common girls….??? Anything from the fair side?

Please people, let make this an interactive one!!!

whoop whoop…..

Ok so if you guys can recall I said a while ago that I’ll only write/blog when Im “inspired” to do so…and what I am about to say now may affend some sensitive readers and some girls still living in denial.(If you fall into any of these categories, please go make some tea and water the plants rather). Now, this little piggy woke up this morning and shared a remarkable similarity often present in the male species, I almost wanna say life altering experience people? Ok and No I didn’t wake up and fart (and with fart I mean more like refilling the gas chamber untill your partner has no other choice but to leave the room) and then still charmingly continued to scratch my balls and patt my penis for good behaviour….. Nooooooooo for a brief second (second that felt like a lifetime) I woke up (yes, I openend my eyes and thought immediately about SEX!) Not flowers, and candles that led toward sex, oh no, a one track channel hacking into a morning porn server…. I MEAN REALLY????

At first its overwhelming and confusing, you feel drunk…. and after you ruled out the possibilities for causing this strange sensation you keep on comming back to the porn! I had my first cup of coffee with the hopes that coffee will be bad for sexual frustration but NOOOOOO, nothings gonna get through this sucker! Then in the hallway you slid past your partner, at this stage looking as hidious as ever with his hands in he’s pants hardly focussing while mumbling something about you stealing he’s pillow…. and whoossshhh Nothing! In my mind I heard him saying i look raveshing and the deep sleepy look turned into a sexy tiger like ppuurrrrrrrr…… I felt drugged …..

But the more I tried to fight it, the worst it got… I tried to focus on catholic school boys (huge mistake) and started reciting the life cycle of the lipidoptera, but it was like a dark force consuming my thoughts….

Im sure the boys will agree….. that usually on this day…. your partner would be in the least possible mood to tolerate this dark lust intentions…… its like they have woken up on a different planet… and ooohhh dont even try to mention this feelings, it has devastating after effects…. you”ll get eaten alive! First you get the “look” the WTF “look” that is; and then in a remarkable 2 seconds there-after they switch on the polar caps and hit you with an icy cold “go fuck yourself”…..

Im a Venus inhibitor….. and this morning I woke up in flippen Mars!!!

From there everything goes south….. sour….. ok it went a little bitchy as well and all because I didn’t get sex… Like a kid wanting candy I blew up my cheecks and deliberately caused kak all around…. even strange unfamiliar people suffered throughout the day, standing next to me with that “I got it all this morning smirks” gghhmmppfff!!! Get out of my way!!!

I must say after this experience a SUDDEN HUGE FEELING OF REMORSE DOWNED UPON ME…. my heart started aching at the thought of knowing that atleast 60% of all males wakes up like this EVERY MORNING!!! BOYS….Im so sorry !!! It must be a living hell…. and after a day like this I completely give you permission to stare at my boobs rather than looking in my eyes…. your welcome to slap my ass and Im starting a porn magazine collection in the coffee lounge at work from next week on…..

Girls lets spare a minute and bow our heads in respect….. lets try and be a bit more supportive…For starters if you see that look in their eyes? Dont come walking past in your sexiest lingerie? COVER UP! Go dress in the kids room if you must! Trust me when I say; you DONT want to be in their position daily… I was THIS close to insanity… It took an extreme shopping spree and a quick “eat,pray,love” session to get myself back to normal again…..

Sho! hectic man…… MEN? I feel your pain…..My only advice to all you out there would be…. make the effort, do the wine and dine and gifts man…. and get laid….

😀 good luck